Redefining My Life

Recent News

2008-05-23T19:09:00.002-04:00

I have not been around so I can't even remember where I left off.

Kickball is on June 21. RG and MOF said they wanted spots so I sent a text to give them the heads up I needed to know if they were in or out asap because we have a waiting list to play on our team. Wouldn't you know it? RG can't be bothered to respond that he wasn't coming with me to the wedding but he responded within 30 seconds that he was in for kickball. No apology no nothing just, "I'm in." I told him he owed my sister $7 and he wrote back banter for her and beating him at BIG BUCK HUNTER. I said "tell her" and forwarded her number. I will be civil but I wasn't going to play whatever game he was.

I have not got the date lined up that I want yet. It is hard when there is substantial drive time involved.

I have not been horny at all. Could be from the types of people I have chosen to be FWB's. Glad I did it but I am glad they are both over.

I have been interviewing for new jobs and have a couple great prospects.

I have to keep reminding myself that boring can be good.

I Should Have Known

2008-05-15T08:01:00.002-04:00

I should have that eventually things between RG and me would fizzle out. I did not think it would be our friendship just the sex. I thought it would be because I had feelings so we would just go back to the way things were. I never thought that he
would, after 12 years of being friends, treat me the same way he does any other bar whore he takes home.

I didn't want a date for my sisters wedding. He volunteered...twice. I thought that the day might be emotionally hard for me so it might be nice to have a friend there for moral support. Not a date but someone that would not think I was an idiot if I broke down in tears for a brief period. I told him he could go and when he asked what time I wanted him I said 8.

Text chat on Sunday I asked if he was still up for the 10th and he said yes he was. I left a couple of texts through out the week because with his crazy schedule that is the best way to contact him. No message came back saying that he wasn't coming or anything like so I told him I would bring his glass and sunglass case and would see him after 8. That fucker, who has been there for me through everything the last 12 years, no called and no showed on me.If it had been anyone else it would have been as bad as what he did. I could have had 4 other dates, but #1 I didn't want a date and #2 my friend said he was going.

I will honestly say that it would not have mattered if we had been having sex or not. This is a deal breaker on a friendship level. You don't do that to a friend. Much less it is almost a week later and I still don't have an apology or an explanation. Fuck you RG, fuck you.

The Date

2008-05-15T07:55:00.002-04:00

The date on Thursday went well. He said that he was looking to move out of here and go somewhere else. That right there put a kabash on any romantic relationship. Just what I want...start dating a man who decides it's time to move half way across the country. I must say that I have been very lucky on the last 2 internet dates I have gone on. Both gentleman were very nice and had posted recent pictures so they were not misrepresenting themselves. Refreshing to see that after my dating encounters 7 years ago.No romantic connections which must be why I haven't heard from either of them again but I still have one more yet to get set up. I am hoping for Saturday.

Home-Wreckers Cause

2008-05-13T17:34:00.002-04:00

So when HW text me her message read "If you need help destroying WOS just let me know, I'll help." Imagine my surprise! I thought it might be WOS playing a trick on me so I would call him so I wrote a message back asking who it was. "HW" was the answer. I called Harley to see if she would double check for sure but she was on a conference call and couldn't answer. She wrote me a text that said, "It's her. Call her." So I did.

Come to find out WOS had taken her van when he was supposed to pick up the kids from school and her from work and "rented" it out to 3 thug drug dealers from Chicago. This is not the first time. This was the reason she called me a year and a half ago because he had done the same thing but she didn't see her van for 5 days then. She also said that she was moving so he was supposed to be at home helping clean. He helped her clean...all the electronics to the pawn shop! She reported it to the police but I have yet to hear if they have done anything.

I got a few jabs in on her...(she is a HW after all so I had to make sure she got some harrassment from me for fucking my husband.) I told her that even though she didn't have the decency to tell me the truth when I asked her point blank, I on the other hand did have enough class to tell her. I told her that everytime WOS comes over to see his daughter we fuck and he tells me how much he loves and loves our duaghter and would do anything to get his family back. (Total BS by the way!) She said that she knows he loves me and told him that if there was a chance he needed to try and work it out. I told her I have way to much class to take back a dirty, piece of shit.

So anyway we will see what transpires as the court date draws near.

Once Again

2008-04-30T21:51:00.002-04:00

Sorry, sorry sorry! I came down tonsillitis on the 26th. That was supposed to be the day of my birthday party. So let's do some mad recapping about the more interesting events that have taken place.

Went to the casino last Saturday with RG for the running of the Kentucky Derby. No sex, no talk of sex, just the two of us hanging out knowing that there would be no sex. Did nothing Saturday night.

Sunday...Hold on to your pants! I went to watch a friend of Harley's who plays in a band. PHENOMENAL!!!! The only thing Harley didn't tell me was that all of her other friends were going to be there too and they were all coming off a ride. I was the only one not in leather and boots. Needless to say I stuck out like a sore thumb. That actually worked in my favor since I didn't have an empty drink the whole time I was there. I left around around 7 and by the time I got home was totally out of my element. I puked and puked and puked and then I lost 2 hours. I remember my daughter asking me to open some candy for her and then realized that it was 9:30. WTF!?

The next day (Monday) I felt like shit. I went to work and then went tanning. Same amount of time I always go, no new bulbs, nothing. I come out FRIED! WTF!? Then it dawns on me. The antibiotic I was on for tonsillitis is one I have never been on before and it totally tore me apart. I did not have that much to drink on Sunday to have had that reaction and same with the tanning reaction.

I sent some texts to RG and all I got in response was his usual glim, unfeeling "don't care" attitude. Granted I should not have been sending the drunken texts I was but I was heavily under the influence of my meds. He still wants to be my date on the 10th for my sisters wedding.

I was a HUGE hit with Harley's friends and even found myself a little hottie. He lives in Milwaukee which is ok and are getting together the next time he is in town.

Tomorrow is Thursday and I have a date. Another blind internet date, but what the heck, the last one was decent.

I will try to update again sooner because I still have to recap about my conversation with Home Wrecker. She sent me a text message so I called her worthless, home-wrecking ass. Maybe after my date tomorrow I can report on both of those.

Birthday Booty

2008-04-24T20:21:00.003-04:00

RG came through for me. He arrived and we shared a bottle of wine and talked for 2 hours. He asked about the 3 horse racing Saturdays coming up and I mentioned Dubuque to meet MG and he was cool with that. I was joking that I couldn't find a date for my sisters wedding because no one was willing to put out. He pulled out his schedule and asked what time I wanted him. He was busy until 5 but would gladly be my date if I told him what time. WTF? I clarified and said I didn't want a "date" for the reception dinner I just wanted someone to come later and dance and drink then go to the bar. He said that he didn't care what time I wanted him he would be there to drink and party and go out with afterward and then would take me home and take advantage of me.

We talked about Opening Day and I mentioned that MG was having a Tailgate June 22. He said that since it was a Sunday he wanted to go with me and would just take Monday off. I informed him that we would have to go up on Saturday night and he said fine. WTF?

I found a plumber to come and do some work on the side. I just need my bathroom sink put back together after a remodel gone awry. I have to wait a little longer til his girlfriend is no longer in the picture then I can trade services. RG said he would look at it because it didn't sound like it would be that hard to fix. WTF?

He is working out at a new place for a 10 week body sculpt and said that if he got another free pass he would give it to me. He said that for his birthday this year (which is on New Years) he is going to leave town and said I should go. WTF?

He doesn't want a relationship with me but he doesn't want to be without me either. At this point I want him in my life. My social calendar is filling up with dates so we will see if something else comes along. I will give him the option if I decide there is someone of interest, but 5 of the next 6 Saturdays he is with me.

Birthday Blogging

2008-04-23T21:34:00.002-04:00

My parents took my daughter last night for a few hours and when my mom dropped her off she didn't say more than 5 words to me. This morning she wrote me a text asking to take my daughter to a pet expo this weekend. No Happy Birthday no nothing. I opened the card my parents had gotten me and instead of the usual "Daughter" card I had a generic, cheap card without even a "Mom and Dad" signature at the bottom. I am tempted to send back the check in little pieces. FUCK HER!

On the way to the sitters house I heard MD singing. I turned the radio off and realized she was singing "Happy Birthday" to me.That made my whole day...or so I thought.

When I got to work I was in a different room today so I didn't even get to have my students on my birthday. That was a bummer!When class was over I went to our room to get my things and when I opened my drawer was a whole stack of cards that the kids had made me!

Being that is my birthday and I gave RG a present on his I dropped him a text that said "Any chance of you returning the bday present I gave to you tonight?" The response I got was "Absolutely!" Birthday sex for me!!!!!!! He then asked if we were still on for May 3rd. That is the big first BIG horse race this year that we bet on. Hell yeah! I am there! I am hoping we can go to Dubuque and meet up with MG depending on her work schedule.

I know I said I was done with the FWB but it's my birthday and I am not going to get am amateur for this night.

My date from Tuesday texted me as soon as we left the bar and said he would call after his softball game. I never heard from him. Still haven't. WTF?

My party is Saturday night at Spy Bar in Marion, Iowa for any that want to attend!

First Date

2008-04-22T19:18:00.002-04:00

So I went out with Match.com #1. VERY CUTE! Very polite and I had a nice time. We just met up at my bar ad played a couple rounds of Big Buck Hunter. He had 2 softball games tonight so it was short and low key. Perfect when you are meeting someone for the first time in case things don't click. There was so initial, "I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you" vibe but I would definitely go out again.

I am trying to set up a date with Match.com #2. He was actually my first choice for tonight but that didn't happen. That guy has some potential for the, "I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you" vibe.

With my birthday party on Saturday I would hope someone would give me a "memorable" present!

All Alone And Bored

2008-04-19T20:21:00.003-04:00

So it is a Saturday night and here I sit. My date with friends punked out. My hottie from online the other night was having an IM conversation with me and diasappeared. MOF has to work all the time so we still haven't tested the FWB thing. I am down 3 more pounds for a total of 13 pounds. I look great, feel better and I can't get laid! The only one paying me any attention lately is WOS and that is attention I don't want. I don't answer his calls or respond to his texts (unless it was an accident like the other night.)

I did figure out the "the island" means court. Our courthouse is in the middle of a bridge so it is referred to as the issland. That's fine with us...my lawyer and I want to go to court. We want to be done with this. He doesn't have balls enough to take me to court.

HW showed up at Harley's house the other night bawling her eyes out. Harley wasn't home. WOS told HW that him and Harley were fucking and she believed him. Now the homewrecking whore knows how it feels. I am half tempted to call HW and tell her that everything WOS comes over to see his daughter he fucks me and tells me that he loves me and will go to a rehab center if we can work things out. That would cause way too much drama in their household. Better theirs than mine! HAHAHAHAHA

Against My Better Judgement

2008-04-17T19:54:00.003-04:00

Not that I needed an ego boost, (well maybe I did) but againsy my better judgement I signed up for Match.com and I posted my picture. Within 5 minutes of posting it I had 15 "winks." I think winks are for pansies and I don't respond to those. Have some balls and if it's something you think you want go after it. After some serious, and I mean hours, of pouring over profiles I found 4 that were the most intriguing. I sent 4 emails. I have heard back from 2. Not too bad since I can't juggle men anyway.

I am not naive to this, I have done it before with MG when I lived in Milwaukee. Make sure and ask her about her experience. I think she totally got her money's worth and Match got ripped off in the process.

Both of these guys sound like resonable people who I could go out with and have a fabulous time. Now comes trying to arrange that since my "glorified babysitter" (my mom) is out of the picture and since gas just jumped $.20 today to $3.45 I can't afford a sitter and go go pick them up and drop them off. I am supposed to have a date on Saturday with a co-worker of my friends. There are 4 of us going out for dinner so it will be a casual, low key night. My social calendar is beginning to fill up and I really kind of like that.

On the WOS front...He called my lawyer on Monday and left her a message that I had taken my daughter out of state. It is in our agreement that she doesn't leave the state without prior consent. Unless the mighty Mississippi jumped it's banks and headed west, the last time I checked Dubuque was still in Iowa. Get a fucking map of Iowa you ignorant fuck! He has been sending me and Harley copies of every text message I have ever sent him. WTF?! He called Harley and told her he was going to call his sister and have her tell me that WOS and Harley fucked. I told her to text back that she fucked me too. We are waiting for a response.

He just sent me a text that says," This is me. See you in the island." WTF?! He must be on some serious drugs today!

I will keep you informed of the Match/date situation. This could end up being a decent week!

Help Me!

2008-04-15T22:11:00.003-04:00

So here it is. My plea for help. I have posted this on my Facebook also but if anyone is willing to assist, cut and paste this to their site or send as an email to their friends and help me I would appreciate it greatly. I am working in the special education department of a school. I have a 3 year old daughter and I am fighting very hard to make ends meet and provide for her. My soon to be ex-husband has a HUGE cocaine addiction. He will not sign the divorce papers because he thinks he should have my daughter 50% of the time. As A mom I would die before I let harm come to her. I am afraid that we would end up being one of those stories you hear about with the pyscho ex killing his ex-wife, daughter and himself. My lawyer bills are around $4000. I am asking for any assistance I can get. If anyone is willing to donate $1, $5, whatever to help with the lawyer fees I would forever be in your debt and would never forget your kindness. Donations can be made directly to my attorney.

Checks should be made to: Crystal Usher
c/o Gallagher Dissolution
100 1st St. SW
Cedar Rapids, IA 52404

Or call 319-364-0124.

This is not me. I am not one to ask strangers for help but for those of you who have read from the beginning you know this is not a sham and that I really would do anything to protect my daughter. I could never repay your kindness but if any of your friends, family or yourself were ever in my situation I would do whatever I could to help. Thanks blogger community.

Huge Blowup

2008-04-13T19:38:00.002-04:00

So I guess my parents have known for awhile about WOS's son. My mom, today, brought it up, broke down in tears and basically told me to get out of her house because I was lying to her face. She has this idea that everyone knows but them and they thought I should have told them as soon as I found out. I said "I'm sorry I was trying to deal with it myself first and I was waiting for the blood test before I got everyone riled up over nothing." WTF! I am so ready to be out of this mess! I want nothing more than to move out of here like was my original plan when I first moved back here. While I respect the fact that you care, I am perfectly capabale of handling more than you think. My sister added her 2 cents worth and I said that this was nothing I was going to lose sleep over. Mom told my sister that they don't care what WOS does they were worried about me and thought that I would tell them. I know they are there for me if I need them but I was doing fine with this and would have told them in my onw time.

WOS keeps blowing up my phone today and I seriously can't take anymore of him. RG pissed/blew me off so won't be hitting that booty call up anymore. I can hear you loud and clear. You don't have to tell me twice.

WTF is wrong with the people in my life?

I Know, I Know

2008-04-10T20:03:00.002-04:00

So I have no excuse for my absenteeism. I just got busy and I was trying to recover from Milwaukee. I swear my liver was trying to relocate to someone elses body.

Unfortunately I have NOTHING to give. No sex, no scandal, no drama.

I made the mistake of calling back a number today that I didn't recognize. I thought it was a girl...it was WOS. Oh was he pissed. Unfortunately that was on my way to work and my heart rate increased threefold. Iowa passed a law that you can not smoke on public grounds. It goes into effect July 1. I am out of cigs anyway and since the second half of the weight loss challenge has started I am determined to win this one. Even after my binge in MKE I only put on half a pound. I started this challenge half a pound heavier than I ended the last one. I will take that.

I thought this posted the other day but then I remembered I shut everything down when the tornado sirens went off.

Opening Day Recap

2008-04-06T21:34:00.002-04:00

So I get into Milwaukee on Thursday night and meet up with MG and her BF. My parnets taught me that if you can't say anything nice then don'y say anything at all. I have never followed that 100% of the time. MG informed me that we were staying at her BF's house I really didn't want to say something on the first night then not have a place to stay. So what do I do to keep from speaking my peace? I get drunk. Good and drunk. We are talking at least a 9 pack of Lite and 11 cherry bombs drunk. I must say that it was a sight to behold. At least all of us were that drunk.

Unfortunately the puker would be MG the next morning. We have to be to McGillicuddy's at 9:00am to meet the rest of MG's friends and get on the bus for Miller Park. I must say that I was still so intoxicated from the night before that alcohol did not sound appealling. 8:56am there I am with a Malibu/Cranberry followed by a bottle of Lite. The bus trip consisted of Jell-O shots which started to make me feel a little queazy. MG started talking to some hotties on the way up. One of them was totally fuckable! Unfortunately they didn't stop to hang around very long and since I was so hung over I didn't put myself out there like I normally do so there was no Miller Park hookup for me. At least I looked good.

There is nothing more annoying t me than annoying drunk people when I am completely sober. MG's BF was that annoying drunk. Until he sat down on a seat at Gill's after the game and crashed. He passed out in the cab on the way home and stayed that way for the rest of the night.

I am tired so I will finish the recap tomorrow.
WOS called me all weekend. I told him I had a funeral.

Desperately Needing Sex

2008-03-31T20:42:00.003-04:00

If I don't get laid soon , as in now, I may just die! I don't think I am overly picky. I only have 2 criteria...
#1. I can't screw ugly and
#2. I can't screw anyone hotter than me.

That leaves a whole slew of people in the average to hot category that should be willing and able. I dropped RG a line to see if he was working. His response was, "No, I am getting ready to take a nap." It's 6:45pm and you are taking a nap? You are fired!

I swear if I can have just one night of multiple orgasms I won't whine and complain about not having sex for at least a week. (Maybe)(At least for a couple of days.)Just one night...is that too much to ask/wish/hope/pray/beg/dream for?

In The Life Of A Soap Opera

2008-03-30T18:14:00.002-04:00

Thank God this one is not mine so I can sit back and watch it happen. Take a sneak peak at the characters and the plot.

CW: Crack Whore
HW: Home Wrecker
WOS: Waste Of Space (my soon to be ex-husband)

Plot: A love triangle between CW, HW and WOS. (Isn't this getting interesting?!)

3:45am... A guy we will call Aaron calls Harley and asks if WOS is there. Aaron says that WOS told him that he stays there all thime time and that him and Harley messed around last Tuesday. Harley laughs and says she hasn't spoke to him in two weeks since he ripped her off. Aaron asks HArley if she is friends with WOS or HW. She says I am friends with Dayna. Harley thought the whole conversation was weird and couldn't figure out why Aaron would care where WOS was staying or if WOS and Harley had messed around. Until the next day...

HW calls Harley to say that WOS now has a broke phone because CW had called and told her that WOS had been with her the night before. HW hits WOS upside his head with his phone and it breaks. (If she didn't break his head then she didn't hit him hard enough.) Harley said, "What do you expect? He cheated on his wife with you, did you really think he wasn't going to cheat on you?" (Isn't karma a great thing?!) If he didn't change for a woman like Dayna what would make you think he would change for you?

Come to find out Aaron is CW's friend and he was calling Harley on a fishing expedition for her.

HW told Harley that his paycheck was gone in one day because he bought drugs and that his dad had given him money ($590) to pay his fines but he blew that on drugs.

All It Takes Is A Twelve Pack...

2008-03-29T19:08:00.003-04:00

of Double A's that is. I got new batteries and it made all the difference in the world. But still...

If you can't tell I am very frustrated! There are lots of things bothering me. My messy house, I want to go out and can't find a sitter, the fact I can't get laid. There is also a conversation that I had with a friend the other night that is not sitting right. I tried to find a quiet time to discuss it but the bar was very loud and we were always around other people.

The question that got asked was "How many other guys are you stringing along?" What?! Unfortunately I have no men in my life other than RG and MOF and MOF is really not even in my life, we just made out one time and I was fully clothed. I see him maybe 4 times a year...if he's lucky! I know what it is like to put yourself out there and not have feelings reciprocated. My husband, RG and a couple others before them. It sucks to have your heart hurt so if someone had the courage to tell me they had feelings for me I would be truly honored and would do whatever was in my power to keep our friendship, as well as them, as intact as possible. It is an honor to have someones' heart and affection and I try very hard not to take things like that for granted. I would never purposely string someone along if I knew they had feelings for me. That is mean and a rotten thing to do to another person.

I am trying hard to expand my circle of friends and get a wider range of people to date/hang with but at the present time there is no one trying to date me so I don't understand where that question arose from.

My friend T just called and has arranged a "date" for me with a friend of her husbands from work. It is going to be the 4 of us going out for dinner. Unfortunately that will be about 2 weeks away since I am in Milwaukee next weekend.

I think I am going to make a t-shirt to wear that says "Won't Someone Just Fuck Me?"

PLEASE!!!!!!!

And I Got Nothing

2008-03-29T10:17:00.003-04:00

So I am very mad at myself for making the booty text. I am even more mad that I was passed out and didn't get the response until 8am. WTF! I am in my sexual prime and I can't get laid!! WTF! Seriously what does a hot chick have to do to get laid these days?!

The lead teacher in my room told me the other day that a fellow staff member had seen me on St. Patrick's Day. I asked if my shirt was on or off and since the staff member didn't say she assumed it was on. Thank God! Anyway the male staff member (who is married) remarked to her that he had seen me around the building but that on this particular day I looked smokin'. He told her that he was afraid to even say hi to me because I looked that good. She asked him what I could do differently because I keep saying WOS, with all of his issues, can get laid and I can't even get a date. The guy said that I was unapproachable. He said that even if I am the nicest person in the world that most men are not going to approach me because I am out of their league. WHAT!? No wonder ugly, fat chicks end up with the hot guy. While that whole conversation should have made me feel good, (and it did that someone thought I looked hot that day) it made me sad because there could be a fabulous person that I am supposed to meet and I am unapproachable because I'm hot. Give me something I can fix. I always thought of myself more of the girl next door with a little more class so this really threw me.

I went out last night. Call it a date, call it friends going out doesn't matter. I am a very forward person but I get damn sick and tired of having to make the first move all the time (RG,MOF) why can't a man just grab it and take it if he wants it? Nothing would leave me hotter and wetter than a man who just came up and grabbed me by the back of the neck or cupped my face and kissed me as if it is something he has always wanted to do. The way RG does it but after I initiate it.

What happens next...
After fun, and sometimes risque, banter all day I was horny. (Hence the booty call)I did not have time to take care myself prior to going out. Which meant I was still horny and then I began drinking. See the problem about to occur? So the person I was with makes a totally innocent (?) gesture and rubs in between my shoulders. I told him that felt amazing becuase after my workout yesterday I was sore. Then he says what about this as he reaches for the back of my neck and grabs me by the hair and pulls. UH-OH!! Then proceeds to tell me where his tongue and hands will go while still pulling my hair and stroking my bare arm. HOT!HOT!HOT!HOT!HOT! Holy shit it was HOT! I love dirty talk, turns me on immensely. I also love everthing that was being done to me and I easily could have forgotten where I was and just gone with it. Wow, it makes me horny again just thinking about it. My response...Check please! To which he laughed. I was not laughing! Sexual prime here remember! Horny all day and now with alcohol. Anyway, he drops me off, gives me a peck on my cheek and a hug and goes. I WANT SEX!!!

Hence the text to RG which went: "My date just dropped me off and I am horny as fuck! Any chance at porn sex or do I need to do it myself?" Pretty straight forward. I didn't wait for a response and just did it myself. (Note to self need new batteries) An hour later I had a response which simply asked if I was still up. That meant he was on his way. FUCK!.....or rather I didn't.

I am going to stop by and see Harley for a drink or three tonight and be home early. Must get batteries because I have the feeling I will be alone again.

WOS called this morning and wants to see my daughter since CSRS now has started to garnish him. WHATEVER! Sign the papers. I have no time for his fucking stupidity.

About Time

2008-03-29T02:35:00.004-04:00

Harley texts me tonight to let me know that they have started to garnish WOS's paychecks. I am the happiest girl on the planet! It is about time!!!! He told Home Wrecker he was happy because now I had to let him see his daughter because he was paying. Paying is not the same thing as being garnished and plus you are $8000 behind dipshit!

Major dilemna: I am trying very hard not to call RG but I am so Effing horning I can't take it!!! Had a great time out tonight but I am slightly in the bag and lonely. The person I went out with left me craving more and there are only 2 places to get it. Myself and RG. Couldn't do it. I made the porn sex booty call.

I'm drunk so I will finish this tomorrow.

Can You Believe It?

2008-03-26T18:49:00.002-04:00

There has not been any drama this week! I have not done nor partaken (is that a word?) in anything scandalous. How boring! In fact, after the last 2 weeks I have been enjoying hanging out at home and going to bed early.

On Easter Sunday I met MG's friend out at the Outback for dinner. Just as I suspected...shit tons of fun. Turns out that we even already know some of the same people and have been really close to meeting many times. Small world. In some ways we decided it was almost 6 degrees. We are meeting up on Friday.

Next week it is off to Milwaukee for Opening Day. I hope my liver is up for it. I have been trying to break it in but I think I should have done it gradually and not in a 2 week span. As you get older it gets harder to recover from the 12 hour drinking binge. I am very much looking forward to getting out of this town and cutting loose. I guess I already have been but I can do so much more out of town.

No WOS. That is a huge relief not having to deal with him. My daughter has asked for him a couple times and I try to change the subject. That is what is hard on me but I truly believe I made the decision in waht was in her best interest.

No huge plans for this weekend so it may be a quiet blog for a few days.

Weekend Recap

2008-03-23T10:36:00.002-04:00

Wow! It is amazing how good I feel after 12 hours of sleep. From learning about the baby to the bachlorette party and St. Patricks Day and out again on Friday with an after hours booty call in there I was in desperate need of sleep. No wonder I felt like I was going to black out. The past two weeks have been a whirlwind and I must say that I am glad they are over. Hopefully now my life will get back to normal.

Friday Harley and I went back to Teeghans...they remembered us. Went to the Chrome Horse. Pissed off Andrea but we are all good now. Booty came and left. I wanted seconds but he went home because he was tired.

Saturday was pretty uneventful. Open house and then ataunt's for dinner. Home by 7:00, in bed and asleep by 8:15. Wonderful! Woke up at 1:30 to the sound of my dog puking. Fucking fabulous! I let it go. Sleep and then the steam cleaner.

Sunday morning got up and helped my daughter find her Easter basket, put her in the tub, steamed cleaned carpet in 2 rooms plus the hall. Hey, if I am pulling it out I may as well do as much as I can. Heading over to Grandma's at noon.

The best part of the last 2 weeks...I have only heard from WOS once and that was last Saturday right before the bachlorette party. I didn't answer the phone since the divorce papers have not been signed and I told him I would not accept communication from him until they were. He left such a great voice message. Whining and crying about how he just got the papers and that he is not paying for my lawyer since I wanted the divorce and how I had him served while he was in treatment and yada yada yada bull shit. He doesn't want to be married to me anyomre either and that it is an attempt to see his daughter and how is it in her best interest to keep her from her dad.

My daughter was staying with SIL for the night and I called to give her a heads up that he was on the war path. She said that he called and was going off and she told him that he was not welcome at her house. He was too mad and acting too crazy and she didn't want him to upset my daughter. He got all pissed off at her because she wouldn't let him see her either. Wake up dumb ass, maybe that should tell you something. I have bent over backwards to try and make sure I was accomodating when he wanted to see her but it just got to be it was when it was convenient for him and not so much in her best interest. 40 minutes 3 times a month is more detrimental to my daughter than not seeing her dad at all. It was a tough call to make but that is why I am a parent, to protect my daughter from harm and help her grow her self confidence and esteem.

I really don't want this to go to court because it is going to get really ugly and lots of people are going to get hurt.

Happy Good Friday

2008-03-21T23:31:00.002-04:00

What is so happy about it you ask? Well for starters I have a "date" on Sunday. Not really a date but a friend of MG's who I think will be shit tons of fun. Long story on how that transpired.

BONUS!!!!! I hit up RG tonight for some after bar fun and his reply was that he wouldn't be off till 2. My response? Is it yeah or nay cuz if it's nay then I am off to #2? His response...I'm in! I told him smart move and to call when he's on his way. I am drunk and horny and at this point I have nothing to lose so all you hypocrites, rip me all you want at least I am getting some.

Andrea is mad at me since I left the party for her husband early. My daughter had never been with the sitter I left her with tonight and the poor girl is only 13 and called her mom because my daughter was having a tantrum going to bed. We left early and I came home. Sucks to be me but what do you do?

Stupid, Stupid

2008-03-21T11:19:00.002-04:00

When I get lonely and bored I have been doing stupid things. Since Monday I am not at all lacking in the attention department except when it comes to nights when my daughter has gone to bed. It is then that I realize I am alone. I try calling my friends to help pass the time until I can fall asleep. Last night was not one of those nights. I dropped a text to RG knowing that he was probably working. He was and asked what I was up to. I said that when my daughter went to bed in a few hours I would be bored and lonely and was just looking for someone to hang out with. I said I figured he was working but I was still going to give him a chance. He apologized and I texted back not to worry cuz I just made some plans. Never heard from him again.

I also sent one to MOF. I know, I know...STUPID!! I told you when I get lonely and bored I think with other parts of my body then my head. Never heard from him either, although he was on the 11pm to 7am shift so he has an excuse.

Tonight I am going down for a surprise party for a friend of mine. That should be fun but I am not going to be out late. I am going to work tomorrow and need some new clients so I want to be chipper and up beat.

Shit, I have another job interview and I gotta run. Fill in the details later!!

Updates Keep Coming

2008-03-19T18:06:00.005-04:00

RG never came by the other night. He hit me up the yesterday and apologized for passing out at 9 and not calling. They started a hell of a lot earlier than I and they tend to pound it faster and I figured that is what had happened. (No sex pun intended.) I talked with bar uy and due to the fact that he had worked 19 hours the day before asked if there was anyway we could reschedule. Even though I felt bad for the fact he worked his ass off I still made him feel bad and told him I would get back to him.

I must have done a lot more on Monday than I remember becasue my phone is blowing up with people calling and me not knowing who they are.

I almost forgot the best news of all!!!! I weighed in today and (drum roll please)..... 169.5!!!!!!! Yeah me down 2 more from last week! I am now out of the 170's and 8 1/2 pounds away from prebaby weight. I would love to see it gone by May 10. I tried on my dress on Saturday and even though we had ordered the smaller size it was still too big. I do not ever remember being as small as I am right now. At least I feel small and had more compliments on my ass Monday than I have ever had. I guess that is because it was always in someone's hands.

MOF just text me to see how my day went. I asked him which one since they were all running together.

Catch Up

2008-03-19T17:08:00.003-04:00

Ok so now that all the alcohol is out of my system (FINALLY) let me start by saying that things with my 2 friends is still not weird. I have known RG for 11 years and known the other guy for 9. All of us used to work together and party together and that was the extent of it. So not only was this RG's best friend but someone I have known for a long time too. I still don't think they know about each other and I will tell my other friend about RG but as far as RG goes I don't think he will care because like I said, he has had plenty of opportunities to do something to show interest. At this point I know that RG is not man enough to date me. He is just not on that level. The other guy I think is and he wants to.

So I will call the other guy MOF (my other friend.) My only excuse is that after the week I had finding out that while I was sitting at home thinking that my ex and I were working on our marriage he was out sticking his dick in a whore who works the drive-up at Arby's. I knew they had drive thru liquor stores but I guess these days you really can get anything at the drive-up.

I have never felt more alone in my life than I have this week. My sisters' party left me feeling lonelier and unfortunately the only person that helped me to feel beautiful and wanted was MOF. I know I am beautiful and fabulous but sometimes I want to know that someone else thinks that too. I was in desperate need of someone to hold me and kiss me and tell me how wonderful I am and I found it in a place I did not expect.

Is this a person I could date? I never really considered it because I always thought of him as a HUGE player. I do have feelings for RG but after everything that has gone down this week I see him in a different light. I LOVE sex with RG and it will be extremely hard to give that up but can I do it for a chance at love?

St. Pats Day

2008-03-18T02:57:00.002-04:00

Wow! Am I ever glad all of this is over! I am so far behind I don't even know where to begin. We will just start with St. Pat's Day. Met Harley Chick downtown at 11:00. Somehow we thought it would be a great idea to see who could get the most beads. You know where this is headed, "Boobies on Parade."

As I am sitting minding my own business I get a text from RG's friend wondering if I was coming out. This could be bad. I said we were already out and asked if they had beads because Harley was cheating and I need an advantage. I asked who he was with and he said RG and another friend. This could get REALLY bad. Just as I put my shot down I look at the door and it is my worst nightmare...they are both coming through the door. RG comes up and puts his arm around me and asks how things are going. He goes to get a beer. His friend comes over to chat and while I don't notice it harley says the whole time he is talking to me he is touching me. RG comes back and asks if I want to go to the Irish District later and yadda yadda yadda. After they leave Harley makes a remark about the way RG was looking at me. As if he wants me but doesn't want me to know he does and says I have his friend wrapped around my finger. This is so not good. These two totally hot guys would make a 3some worth masturbating to. And I have thought that many a time. I would never act on it.

The titty show goes on and I end of winning. Trying to carry the Mr. T Starter kit around all night got to be a little heavy but I did it purly for bragging rights.

RG hits me up to come by later. I ask him if he is still a willing participant knowing I have feelings for him. He says yes. I am guessing he won't come by due to the amount of alcohol consumption today and since the bars are closed and I have not heard from him. Oh well he has had every chance in the world to tell me he had feelings so I guess he really doesn't. That's ok I guess because...

Super cute guy working at the bar. He flirts shamelessly all night and eventually hands me a pen and a napkin. I wrote my name and number and a message that says ,"Don't waste the ink." I have a lunch date with him at 11:00. I think he is really young but I liked the attention so why not. I will let you know how that transpires.

All in all I had the most fun today and I actually have had a really fun week too.

Diarreah Of The Mouth

2008-03-16T21:11:00.002-04:00

So I was on such a kick this week of spewing out things that I took matters into my own hands and made the call to RG. I went with a variation of DRAFT 1 and when I called I got the voice mail so I started to leave a message when my call waiting clicked and it was him. Instead of finishing my message I answered the call.
It went something like this, I think:

ME: So I have such a bad case of diarreah of the mouth this week that I thought why stop now. I was just leaving you a message and now that I am speaking to you I don't know if I can say this.

RG: Do you want me to hang up and you can call back on my voicemail?

ME: No I am just going to say this and be done and I don't think that after 11 years of friendship this is a deal breaker but it may very well have ruined our FWB. You will probably think I am a complete nerd but here it goes.

After making out with random guys last night I realized that the only person I want kissing me is you. I realize that this goes against everything in our FWB/No Strings deal but I have developed feelings. I know they are not reciprocated and that's fine. I thought that I could have sex with you once and get it out of my system but it backfired and now I can't get you out of my system so to keep my heart from getting even more involved I think I need to end our arrangement. If you were to call me I would say hell yeah and I can't guarantee in a moment of horniness that that I won't call. I truly value your friendship and I don't know what I would do if I lost that. There are not many people who would enable my gambling addiction and put up with my drunk texts. I would rather have you as a friend and I seriously hope I haven't fucked that up. I would say I was sorry for starting all this by jumping you after my X-Mas party but I am not. As far as you go I have no regrets other than I wish this was real. You don't have to say anything now. I just dumped a lot on you so just send me a message later "we're cool", "We need to talk," Sex one last time (I would say yes). I just need to know we are fine.

Throught out our conversation (well my conversation since I did all the talking) he laughed in all the right spots and seemed very at ease. At one point he asked if he could say something and I told him I was almost done and I needed to get it all out. He said he was on his way to the bar because the computer systems went down and he would call me later. He told me not to worry because we are totally fine and to put that thought out of my head. We are fine.

I asked if he thought I was a dork and he said yes sweetie you are a loser but don't worry about it. I shot back with "At least I'm fucking hot" to which he laughed and said he would call me later. We will see what happens next.

I haven't even begun to go into details about the party last night and look at all this good stuff! I told you it was going to be a hell of a year!

Draft 1

2008-03-16T13:51:00.003-04:00

DRAFT 1

I would rather have you in my life as my friend than not have you in it at all. As much as I LOVE sex with you I think I need to put an end to our FWB relationship. At an extremely drunken bachlorette party I kissed another man. I was wishing it was you. I unexpectedly have developed feelings which surpass our current status and since I have the feeling that they are not reciprocated I need to end this now before my heart gets any further involved. I truly value your friendship and I hope that I haven't lost that and that we can still hang out and enable each others gambling habit. Although I don't expect a response, a text or message of "We're cool", "This needs further discussion," "Sex one last time? (lol)" would make me feel like I didn't just lose someone very special to me. I would say sorry for jumping you after my X-mas party, but I'm not. A far as you go, I have no regrets other than wishing it was real.

DRAFT 2

So I got really drunk at my sister's bachlorette party and not only did I play tonsil hockey with your best friend, I also slept in his arms the whole night. I realized that the entire time I am kissing him, I was wishing it was you. Can we still have sex?

Seriously folks, do I have any chance in HELL of salvaging my FWB and friendship with RG?

Some Diets Don't Work

2008-03-14T07:58:00.002-04:00

Do not panic! I am still alive and am fine. Nothing new to report lately on the whore exhusband front. Today is his deadline and I don't see the papers being signed so I will have to go through woth the plan.

I am not this kind of a person if I am dating someone and it doesn't work out. I chalk it up to a CBE and move on. All I really want is a divorce. Why would you drag your feet when you have a baby with another woman? Surely you can't have us both, although knowing the type of person he is he will try.

Meanwhile, I am not pissed at Harley. A lot can get lost in the translation of a text. For a while it seemed like she was standing up for the Homewrecker and that I should be more mad at WOS. Since her husband cheated on her too I thought it was funny that she was saying those things. I thought maybe since she was friends with WOS that was swaying her, but after some careful wording and an explanation that I thought she was doing she quickly explained. Thank God because I don't know what I would do if I lost her now.

I have been on a cigarette, alcohol and Mt. Dew diet since Sunday and while it has definately helped me fit into numerous clothes, it also has wrecked my body for workouts and runs. Only 3 days till all my parties are over though so I may as well finish it out.

Too Much Drama And A Booty Call

2008-03-11T19:11:00.002-04:00

WOS called Harley and told her he forgave her for telling me. Thanks for apologizing to me for fucking around on me when you told me you wanted to work on our marriage. He told her he was looking at the ad and it was a really nice picture of him. He said that he was really shocked I did that because it wasn't in my personality. Well crack head, I had never been cheated on by a husband before so I didn't know it either. I take that back. I knew I had that side, I just try to keep it VERY well hidden because I don't want to rot in the depths of hell for all the things I could do to people. At least if I do I will have lots of friends down there with me.
He also said that if I ran it that it would look really good in court for him because it was slander. WTF?!!!? It's only slander if it isn't true, but you have been calling it your baby for 3 months so if you get a blood test and it isn't truethen I will print a retraction. And how is having a love child with a woman who is married to a different man and you are married to me going to make you look good in court?! Delusional. I am not dealing with a full 8 ball on that one. (I am so naive to coke that I don't even know what an 8 ball is. Don't tell me, the less I know the better!)

As far as the in-laws go...Talked to Dad and Mom Sunday night. I think I wrote about that, if not I will in the next post. Talked with SIL last night. I just called to tell her about the ad and that I would not accept any communication from him at all so if he tried to turn him down. She said I am so sorry I wanted to tell you and I stopped her. I told her that I honestly didn't care WOS had a baby I was more upset because I thought I was family too. I said that if the roles had been reversed I can honestly say that I would have told, or at least hinted there was a secret and to ask him about it. I told her that while I could understand the position they were in I could not understand their betrayal and that I wasn't ready to discuss this any further because I still needing to process this. She asked if my daughter was still spending the night on Saturday and I said yes. SIL said that she was very excited and looking forward to it.

I sent RG a text that went something like:
ME: Busy Later
RG: Working till 1 or so.
ME: Dont' care.
I just need 20 minute hate sex so stop by on your way home, fuck me fast and leave. (I really did not expect a response since I obviously had no tact and who wants to have hate sex. I was fully propared to go run 4 miles then text him and apologize for being heavily intoxicated.) What did I get? A response!

RG: I will give ya a call when I am off.
(Just the fact that he was willing to do that for me made me feel so much better.)
ME: Thank you for not being the icing. Unless you really want sex you are off the hook. I couldn't have hate sex with you anyway. A 20 minute quickie yes.
RG: I will call when I get off work.

If I didn't love this man before I do now. Not because I love him but because of how it made me feel to know that he still wnted to be with me. I am having a very hard time right now with my sister's wedding coming up while I have a pending divorce, with WOS having somone in his life while I have no one, with WOS having another baby when he didn't want it but I do so very badly. This is what keeps me up crying at night. As dysfunctional as the relationship between WOS and HW is, and I know it won't last, he still had someone to go home to where as I don't even have a last call of the night. I feel so alone. The comment that RG made just made me feel like someone cares even though I know it is just pretend and not real love it helps get me past my moments of depression. RG will never realize what he did for me just by saying that. It doesn't matter if he doesn't stop by, at least he said the right thing.

I weighed in yesterday and the scale said 171.5! So close to the 160's but so far away. With all the shit from the last 3 days I haven't worked out at all until tonight. WOS thought he had a hot wife before, he is going to really think I am hot by summer.

Beer is calling. It helps the tears go down.

People Suck

2008-03-11T16:33:00.002-04:00

I think I can count on one hand right now the number of people that I am not pissed off at.

I went down to Arby's and asked to speak to HW or another manager. HW was not at work so I asked if I could leave something for her. I handed the ad to the manager and said please just tell her that if my husband doesn't sign the papers by Friday the greater metro area will know what a homewrecking whore she really is. The manager looked at the ad and looked at me and said ok.

Harley Chick called and said that HW had called her about WOS. He ranted all night long about me being a bitch and Harley being a bitch and everyone was a bitch and how is he supposed to get his life together when all people want to do is sabotage him. HW told Harley that I still let him see his daughter last night. Harely said "No she didn't." WOS told HW that I told him he could see his daughter if he gave me $20 so being the stupid whore she is, she gave it to him.

Harley called a few minutes ago and said that the GM had called HW and told her I had been there. She said that she wasn't mad but can understand how I am and if if she was in my shoes she would be mad too. How fucking sweet!

HW told Harley she doesn't care if I run the ad because her family already knows and the only ones who don't are WOS's family. My response was that if she planned to be with WOS and the ad runs they may not accept her and the baby because she was a homewrecker since she was fucking my husband while we were trying to work it out. She needed to consider that.

Then Harley pissed me off. That is a whole other story and right now I think I need to go run so i don't murder someone.

Update

2008-03-11T10:53:00.002-04:00

I know you are all dying to know what happened. It didn't quite go as I had hoped and I didn't get to see his face. He was blowing up Harley Chicks phone so I started blowing him up. He finally answered and I asked him if he was going to come see his daughter. He said yes, after 7. I told him to forget it. She deserves better than less than an hour of his time. I told him that his lawyer had copies of the papers and that he needed to sign by Friday or I was putting an ad in the paper that would run every Sunday until he did. I told him about the ad (see previous posts) and unless he wanted his Grandpa to find out he had cheated on me this way then they had to be signed. I then said that his family and all of his friends new that HW had lied and new about me before she started fucking my husband. So now instead of a dirty, worthless, homewrecking whore she was now a lying dirty, worthless, homewrecking whore. I told him that I would be stopping by her work to drop off a copy of the add so that he could see. it first.I said he is nothing more than a sperm donor and will never be a father to any of his kids. I will not let my daughter around trash like you people. You are nothing more than a coke addict and never will be. You are a sorry wothless piece of shit and you should have signed the papers weeks ago. To which he said he tried and started to give me excuses and I said I was not going to listen to any of his pity party crack head excuses. I said that I hadn't had sex in a year so now I was really fucking pissed and I was going to go through my call log and see who could help me out. He said I'm sure RG will be right there. I told him you'd be surprised. I said I will not receive any contact what-so-ever from him until my lawyer calls and says it's done. Since you haven't paid you now do not get to see your daughter and leave me alone. He made up some lame ass excuse about having to go because his dad was calling and he would call me back. I said don't bother because our communication is done until my lawyer's office calls. I hung up. No one has heard from either of them. I am now on my way to Arby's where the home wrecking whore works so I will let you know how that goes later.

I feel free and alive. I hate being the exwife I didn't want to turn into but I have realized that I am not dealing with a "normal" divorce.

Dealing

2008-03-10T18:59:00.002-04:00

So I am sober (at least semi) and here is what I have done so far. I bought the card.
On the inside I wrote I hope you are a better father to this one than you were/are to ours. Love, Your Wife D

Next I have got an ad that I am going to run in the Announcement portion of our newspaper on Sundays. It will start on Easter Sunday and run every Sunday until he signs the papers. It is a picture of WOS in his tuxedo on the day he married me and the caption reads: Congrats Joe Smith and Jane Turner on the birth of your son. I hope you are a better father to this one than you were/are to ours. Love, Your Wife D.

I called my lawyer first thing this morning and had the papers redrawn. He thought he was getting fucked before. He will now know the meaning to the term bent over and grabbed ankles. He was supposed to come over tonight but I don't think he's going to make it so I will give him until 7pm then I am just going to call him and have him put me on speaker phone so the Homewrecker can hear me. He has until Friday to sign the papers or terminate his rights to my daughter or the ad is going in. That should freak the bitch out. Then I am going to tell them that I will drop off the ad at her work and if she isn't there I will leave it with her employees to give to her. I am going to tell WOS that I will not accept any form of communication from him until my lawyers office calls and says it's done. I will never call HW's phone again and she will never see or hear from me again after I drop off the ad. I will then call his "wonderful " family members and tell them about the ad as well. If I am going to run a smear campaign may as well do it right. My hope is that he will have so much pressure that they will be signed by Friday at the latest.

As soon as they are signed I have a baby gift for them. I found a onesie that says "If you think I handsome you should see my daddy." I am going to get an iron on and use my handy dandy printer to add...who is a cocaine addict and my mommy is a homewrecking whore.

I guess he knows. I will just call him now.

Processing

2008-03-10T01:31:00.005-04:00

If you haven't read What The Fuck and Mastercard yet read those first or this will make no sense.

So I know better than to blog when I am drunk, HOWEVER...I have good reason to tonight so here goes step 1 in my processing. I don't hate WOS. To be brutally honest, I don't care. What does bother me is the following...

I am not sure how I feel about my in-laws. I can understand their position but I am having a big issue with their not at least giving me a clue such as....
a. Ask WOS if there is anything he needs to tell you
b. WOS has a secret and you need to ask him what it is
c. We LOVE you and your daughter so you need to know that he may be a dad

I would have been fine with any of the above but for everyone to know and for me to be the last to find out really makes me feel stupid. I sent a tet to everyone in his family. it said, "I know." the only one with enough courage to call me back was his dad. Now I have the feeling that they are all talking about me behind my back to figure out what is the best way to deal with the situation and me. My daughter is supposed to spend the night with my sister-in-law on Saturday and I am half tempted to call and say "Sorry, she has a fever." If people who are supposed to love and respect me can pull this shit behind my back when I have gone out of my way to try and include them in all aspects of my daughters life are going to completely disrespect me at a time like this why should I try anymore?!

A good friend told me to go ahead and drop her off but to not go out of my way to be my usually friendly self. Take the high road and always be classy. Sometimes I hate that I was raised that way. It took someone that I have known for 3 months to tell me something that people I have known for 5 years couldn't, where is your loyalty? What the fuck has Waste of Space done for any of you but cause you pain and heartbreak?! Did you really think he was going to do the right thing and tell me after years of cheating and lying to me?!

I thought it was funny that he was asking about if I had copies of the current divorce papers on file. Then his dad asked me if he had signed the papers yet. Sorry fucker...that deal is now off the table. My daughter is not going to suffer because you stuck your dick in a whore that already had 4 kids. That alone should have told you "Fertile Myrtle."

He told Harley Chick that she would have to help Homewrecker because he wasn't going to be a part of this kids life. Way to take responsibility for either of your kids you low life fuck!

This wasn't the interesting stuff I was hoping to be able to write about. Hopefully after conferring with my attorney tomorrow I will have an interesting twist to add.

Mastercard "Priceless" Commercial

2008-03-09T22:55:00.002-04:00

Stamp $ .41

Hallmark Card "Congrats on Your New Baby" $3.99

Look on my soon to be exhusbands face as he reads the card and realizes that I know... PRICELESS!!

What The Fuck!!!

2008-03-09T22:49:00.002-04:00

So I just found out that my loser, whore, soon to be exhusband is a daddy!!! He has a 3 month old son. How do I process this!?

Surprise, Surprise

2008-03-09T09:04:00.003-04:00

So after my post last night I was minding my own business getting things in line for the bachlorette party when I receive a text. It is RG wondering if I want company later. WTF? Well I guess there is a first time for everything. I could not believe that he just booty called me. Of course I took him up on it!

After an hour and a half of porn sex I was so tired. I don't think I will be able to have sex for a week. I think he purposely does me for so long so he only has to do it once every two weeks. I pulled my little silver bullet into the mix. I don't know whether he had ever had toys in the mix before (I am sure he has because he seems rather experienced.)

He was giving me a hard time about my rack in the bathroom with all my lotions, shampoos, powders, etc. He asked if I had crack in their too. So then he playfully started teasing me about having crack in my house. I told him that I don't make fun of him about his bar whores so he isn't allowed to poke fun at me for my crack whore exhusband. He laughed and agreed.

I still need to have "the boundary talk." I did mention that Saturday is the bachlorette party and that I will be in Milwaukee for 3 days. He asked if i was going to get in trouble. I told him that I was going to TRY and be good but that I couldn't make any promises. That should have made him worry a little if he cares at all. Maybe I will bite the bullet and booty call him after the party.

P.S. MG I let him do it. It was...different?!.

Dull

2008-03-08T18:27:00.002-05:00

My life has been pretty uneventful lately. WOS has a job I guess so I called Child Support Recovery Services to see if he had turned in anything and they said no...so I turned it in. He was going to try and get a week or more without having to pay but lucky for me Harley Chick called to let me know. Stupid, stupid crackhead!

I went to Outback with her and one of her friends last night and had TOO MUCH wine. I came home drunk and masturbated but I really just need some dick because it didn't do me any good. Maybe I was too drunk. What a waste of my time. No I have not made a booty call to RG nor am I going to. He knows where to find me if he wants some but I am too hot to beg for sex from anyone.

I have discovered a new blog that I LOVE! TrueHookupConfessions.com. It is along the lines of Post Secret but it is all about dating, love and sex. FUNNY SHIT!!

On even less exciting things...I have started potty training for my daughter. I registered her for preschool next year and I can't believe she will be in school! Hard to believe she will be 3 in June and that I have done this by myself for so long. I don't know if I can do this by myself any longer. Some days it is SO hard. I won't have kids past 35 due to all the problems that may come along but if I am better off a year from now then maybe I can do it on my own and I may see if a "donation" can be made so I can have another before the big 35. If I can get the finances figured out then I wouldn't be stressing so much. I just want my kids to have more than I did.

well motherhood calls so I am off. I expect to have all kinds of good things to report next weekend. It is the bachlorette party afterall.

Waste of Space

2008-03-06T17:06:00.004-05:00

WOS called on Monday. I ripped him a new one due to some medical bills that are coming in for our daughter and he said "I have bills too." I told him too bad and for once he needs to put her needs first. He said he was trying and I told him "BULLSHIT-Get a job." He remarked that he had so many applications out it would make my head spin. I came back with "How many interviews have you failed because you couldn't pass a drug test." He said he would talk to me tomorrow. That's one way to get rid of him.

WOS called on Tuesday (I think) and I asked him if he passed his drug test. He asked how I knew he had a job and I told him that he had told me. He said he hadn't gone yet. He is either lying to me or Harley Chick. We tried to catch him in his own lie but he won't call either one of us. Does he really think we are that stupid!?!

This is Thursday and I haven't heard from him since Tuesday. ROCK ON!!

In other news...haven't heard from RG. Bachlorette party is closing in (March 15.) I am wearing a skirt that used to not fit. I have not completed my New Years Resolution to have a "real" date by the end of February. Less than a month and I am in Milwaukee for a 3 day, drunken bootyfest weekend!

Booty Call?

2008-03-04T07:51:00.002-05:00

So when I was going through and deleting text messages I accidently hit the resend button on one to RG. SHIT. I sent another one saying sorry wrong button and saying that it was a good thing he had plans the night before since I was so horny I may have hurt him. I will always keep things light and funny. It's not in my nature to carry grudges. He did respond which was nice and then a little banter started. I asked him if he can do text sex. His response was he would rather do the real thing. Was this an invitation?I was hopig not because it was really lame. If you want to come screw me just say so. A little more banter and he had to go for the night. So much for that! Maybe I will just screw his best friend. It was a toss up who to hit on since both men are TOTALLY fuckable. I went with the one that I thought wasn't as dirty and that I know better. I may have been wrong there too. Who knows, who cares. I have more important things to worry about such as...

1.I get almost $4000 back from the tax man! That gives me a little breathing room. WOS supposedly has a job. For a week anyway until the drug test again. Harley Chick and I have bets on how long he will last. It would be nice if I could get copies of all his employment drug tests to use in court but I think that is impossible.

2.I think my 80 gazillion ab exercises I have been doing are paying off. I was (am) just getting impatient. I am not usually a "NOW" person except when it comes to orgasms and getting my hot body back.

3. No WOS last night. No call no nothing. I love those nights!

4. I have so much work to do for my sisters party that I am slightly overwhelmed. I am hoping that my refund check will be here. If not I will have to borrow from Mommy and Daddy for 3 days till the direct deposit goes through. It will be close.

5. I mixed up my workout routine last night and I feel better today. I hate routine so I love changing things and keeping my body guessing. Guessing when your next sexual encounter is going to happen is not so great. Working out makes me horny. If I don't have sex soon I may die, or go crazy.

Things Not To Say

2008-03-02T17:26:00.002-05:00

If a hot chick makes a booty call to you DO NOT reply with the word "Maybe." What the fuck kind of response is maybe. You are either free and interested or have plans but can raincheck another time. I am throughly confused, when , if you are just having No Strings Attached sex, is something you should not be. RG tells me in Fun City that he doesn't want me fucking anyone else. Then turns around and gives me a maybe. Is he into our sexcapades or not? I seem to think "or not" because I am the one who always makes the call or text. But he has never outright told me no either. RG told me maybe last night. I told him he was a stupid fuck because I offered sex and he said maybe. So maybe next time. He came back with he had friends in town and said it would be late so it was my call or he was free eariler. I told him that if there is a next time it's his call to make but not to worry because we are good. I am not going to ruin a great friendship over sex. It just bothers me that I always have to be the one to make the call. So I am off to find a back up. I want someone who will call me too. (What does your "book" say about that situation MG?)Read On....

Went with my sister and our friend to "our bar". While we were innocently drinking and playing Big Buck Hunter a fun, decent looking guy comes over and chats us up. Our friend is always an instigator and convinces him to try and touch the ceiling.
(13 feet high) He begins to disrobe, ie. takes off the warm up pants and sweat shirt and proceeds to try. Never makes it but then they start talking about muscles. He does a little dance and our friend asks him if he can strip for my sisters' bachlorette party. He proceeds to give us a preview. First he shows us his butt. Ladies, this is the kind of butt that we masturbate to. Tight, high tan...you could seriously bounce quarters off it. Next his abs...need to do some laundry? If he was a slight better looking I would have made him my new fuck friend. Anyway, he then did a lap dance for us...using my lap. Pulled the front of my shirt down and used tongue from my cleavage to my ear. The rest of the night he made it very known that he was all about me. Very touchy feely and quite verbal. I had been drinking tequilla and with a semi-decent looking man giving me all this fabulous attention it is no wonder i was horny. I should have made him my booty call and gotten it out of my system. Thank God we had gone to the porn store before all the margs because I came home alone and needed a release.

It is Sunday night and WOS is supposed to report for a drug test for a job. Harley Chick (our friend that just got divorced) asked him if he would be able to pass the piss test. His reply was "I hope so!" Stupid fuck!

I left my coat at the bar but left feeling VERY good about myself. I just wish I wasn't still so damn horny!

An Attempt

2008-02-29T20:33:00.002-05:00

WOS just left. He is in some small way trying to negoiate the divorce but instead of talking specifically about that he just whines about how unfair everything is and that he shouldn't have to pay child support if he has no rights to his daughter. Complete drug treatment, get a job, register a stable address and complete your Pareting class. These are all things that need to be done before I am willing to give any. It's not that I don't want him to see her, but as a parent my job is to keep her safe. His situation is not safe. He is just so delusional that it is hard to talk to him. He keeps saying that he has to work around my schedule to see his daughter and then the majority of the time doesn't call or show up. I don't see how this is my fault. Sometimes I need a little more than 3 hours notice that you are free. How rude.

He told me that he has heard great rumors about me when I go out. My response was that his "friends" are probably over embellishing and I only wish I was having that much fun. Just wait til those from the bachlorette party, Milwaukee, St. Pats Day, my birthday and my sisters wedding start rolling in. The next 60 days are going to be scandalous fun;)He said he had heard things about RG and me. He wasn't going to listen though because RG and I are just friends. No response from me, I plead the fifth.

The more I think about it the more I think I should just go to court and not try to compromise. I am not afraid. There is a chance that he may get some of the things done on his list of "must-haves" but he is not motivated enough to do them all. He gets in this state of mind every so many months and then filters off. The cocaine always calls him back and he always goes. Sorry, piece of shit, waste of space. Pick on someone in your own class.

Best One Yet

2008-02-28T19:43:00.002-05:00

3 miles in 37:36! Booyah! My best 3 miles yet! After I run I do weights. I try to mix up my routine so I alternate between upper and lower and always try to get core in. I am looking for some tips on the tummy area. I am looking a fat burner that works to help with the metabolism. I do free weights and use either the BOSU or stability ball but it's just not coming off. I have great tight abs. They are just trapped under a tiny spare tire.

I have not talked to RG lately. He didn't make it over the other night but he did text to say he was going to his other job.

St. Patrick's Day is coming up and I am going to participate for the first time in years. I am making an iron-on for my tshirt which says "No I don't have any Irish in me" on the front and then on the back I am going to put "but I'd like some!" Then my girl friend is going to cut and tie it for me. This should hopefully be a fun, scandalous filled day. Unfortunately it will occur 2 days after my sisters bachlorette party. I hope my town can handle what is about to transpire. Two short weeks after that I get to go tear up Milwaukee.

Back In The Saddle Again

2008-02-24T16:28:00.003-05:00

After a gym hiatus for the last week I finally made it back.I went yesterday but didn't have a good workout.After some after dark, late night fun with RG I was back at it again this morning...HARD. (The gym that is:)) I started off by running 2 miles and then thought I would power walk the rest of my 3 miles. As I looked at the timer I realized that I could be dam close to my best 3 miles ever (amazing what good fucking can do to a girl) and I cranked it up again and again. I came close but fell short.After being on my deathbed this week I am still pretty proud of the fact that I did 3 miles in 38:15. That basically breaks down to 13 minute miles. Not bad considering I started off doing 15 minutes miles. I have two pairs of skinny jeans that now fit and if I can drop an inch off my waist I can have two more. Any hot tips for fat burners? I stepped on the scale and it read 171.5. I think my pre-baby was 161 or 163 so I have 10 pounds to go for that goal. My next goal is to get those 2 pairs of jeans which are so close to fitting to actually fit by March 15th. That's my sisters' bachelorette party. So close yet so far away. 3 weeks to drop an inch. We will wait and see.

Buddies

2008-02-24T10:12:00.003-05:00

So while I was out RG rang to see what I was doing. I informed him I had just become Vice President. Gotta love Asshole. I send him a message on my way home and he said he was still out. Great, I thought. Last time this happened he came over way too late and was in a SUPER DRUNK,not so nice mood. This time not only did he come over early but in a great mood. He sat down on the couch and I plopped next to him on the opposite end with my legs across his lap. We shot the shit with some playful banter on the couch for a while which was really nice. Then I moved to the other side of the couch where we just made out like teenagers for a while. Again, nice. Then came sex. It wasn't our normal hard core porn sex. It was normal sex. Thank God! I can't do the hard core porn sex all the time. Maybe that's why the sex seemed different, because it was normal. I asked him if this was semi-sober sex and he said yeah, blame it on that. (I think he was referring to the duration of sex. Which is not as long as when we are both half in the bag.) I told him that if was only our second time, to which he laughed and I told him that I thought it was actually nice and I liked it. It was friendship sex. It was sex between 2 people who share a mutual fondness, an understanding for each other.

Tonight would have been the perfect time to have "the talk." I didn't do it. I have time before my events come up and it's not like anyone is beating on my door to take me out. I don't need to define what we are. Our relationship, whatever it is, is fun and drama free and I rather like things they way they are. So no defining us, just setting boundaries that will keep our FWB and our friendship intact.

As he was getting ready to leave I told him that the booty call phone works both ways. He said that he would call me at 2am on his way home from work today. I told him that it didn't matter when he called and he was welcome anytime so long as there were no sexcapades and he was in and out in half an hour. We will see if my phone rings tonight.

Premeditation

2008-02-23T17:38:00.002-05:00

Every move is calculated. Every outcome and scenario is played multiple times. Every word uttered is hoping to get the right response. Words keep coming out until the optimal respone is received. I realized that I have great new quality...I can be very manipulative.

I realized this as I pushed send as a text went on it's merry way. Immediate response. I have a pretty good idea what is going through the head of the receiver. I planted the same thought in the head of WOS. That fucker called me last night and I told him that I didn't care to listen to his sob stories and I was so pissed out him not being able to be a decent human and pay his child support and really I just hated him and that I had to get off the phone or I would say things that I would regret. He seemed pretty shocked. He was really shocked when he asked if he could see his daughter tonight and I said that I had plans at 7 but before that was fine. He asked if he could stay and watch his daughter and I said no she was going to spend the night at my parents that way I didn't have to come home. I want him either so pissed he does something really stupid and I get a restraining order so he gets tired of his "wife" making him look like a fool that he agrees to the divorce. He has Carrie the Crack Whore and Angie the Home Wrecker. I have RG who I fuck and I am still waiting to find out who is the man I date.

I put the same idea in RG's head. He tried to sound all cool and nonchalant "I'll give ya a shout later." Whatever fucker. You and I both know you are gonna call and now your interest is piqued because you can't figure out what, or who is occupying my time until much later. He will ask in an "I really don't give a fuck" way and see what kind of goods I give up. Sorry honey, the goods are mine. We obviously need to have a little talk while we are semi-sober. I have some big events coming up that will be alot more fun if I can be scandalous.

WOS called back saying that he wouldn't make it over. I got all dressed up for nothing. He was digging. What am i out to do, is it a date. I paused at that one and said no. Now his head is racing. Neither him or RG will be able to think of anyone else tonight and I will be somewhere no one can find me. I am looking so good though that we might have to head out for a quick one on our way home. I definately can't let this one go to waste.

It All Took It's Toll

2008-02-22T17:26:00.002-05:00

So as I was driving home from work yesterday it hit me. The fact that I was sick and worn down caused me to give in to the emotional turmoil and deny it no longer. With the winter being so harsh school has been called alot so that means that I don't get paid. I went to my grandma's house and broke. I borrowed money from my grandfather and told him that I had no idea when I would be able to pay him back. It is not supposed to be this way and I finally placed blame which is so unlike me but now I am so full of anger and hatred.

I truly hate WOS! I hate the person he is, what he stands for, his mixed up sense of reality. It is not right that he can just go through life without a care for having money while I struggle to start over and am 3 months behind on everything. I truly hate him. I didn't want to hate him because to me, in some small way, it meant I still cared. I don't. I want this stupid divorce over. I want to screw him the worse than he has me. I am not going to be nice when it comes to court and when he does see his daughter, even though I will try and bite my tongue when shes around, I will tell him exactly what I think of him. I am tired of him calling me from his crack whore and homewreckers numbers. If he can't bring something every time he comes then he doesn't need to come over. We do better when he stays away.

I never should have fallen asleep in RG's arms the other night. It's not the fact that it was him but it made me realize that I just want to be loved again. Hard core porn sex is great, but so is making love with a person who you love. I want that. I want to be able to have both kinds of sex with the same person.

On a happy note: due to the fact that I have been sick two pairs of jeans now fit which did not before so I am motivated to go to the next size down. 3 sizes to go til May 10th.

Strings Or No Strings

2008-02-20T20:25:00.002-05:00

First let me say that I came down with the flu on Saturday and strep on top of that Monday so my life has been miserable for the last 72 hours.

Next: ANON made a comment on my last post and I went to respond and decide it was too long so I would just ponder his/her statement in my next post. The was along the lines of how it seemed that I was trying to create a relationship out of a "No strings attached" situation.

Let me start off by saying that I am not against the idea. Get rid of the Mr. Asshole persona and the amount of booze he consumes and you have the only man who has never let me down. My Prince on a white horse so to speak. Always there to rescue me. I am also aware that we may be at different places in our lives. He is the one who said that he didn't want me to fuck anyone else. I didn't coerce anything like that out of him. I am totally fine with the whole "fuck buddy" thing. I just want to know what are boundaries are and we have not yet discussed it. So he doesn't want me to fuck anyone else but can I date? I am fine with that and in the event that I meet someone of interest then I end our agreement. However, I am not one to do the whole double standard thing. If you can do it I can do it.So we already know that he doesn't want to hooking up so if that's the case then he can't either. So what is that? An exclusive "fuck buddy" relationship with dating privleges? What if he doesn't want to to date either? So we are not dating anyone or each other and we are not having sex with anyone but each other, what do you call that? I call that, "No way in hell is that exceptable to me!" I need attention. I need male companionship. I will not be someone's dirty little secret. If I am good enough for you to bed then I am good enough for you to take out in public.

Short response: A realtionship I am open to if it happens. I am not holding my breath. Boundaries? Where are they? I will need some definate ones in place before April 3rd or it is anything goes.

Inquiring Minds Want To Know...

2008-02-16T20:55:00.004-05:00

Read Fun City Recap first...No cheating! Did I fuck him like the whore he is? You better believe I did! Dirty, hard core porn sex, just the kind I like! And I am wearing pants! There is nothing hotter than dirty talk, especially with some way above average dicking going on. A lot, I don't remember or only remember parts. The talk started with RG saying he didn't want me to fuck anyone else. He wanted this piece of ass for himsself and he does not want to share. (Sorry honey, if those are the rules than they apply to you to because you don't get to have your cake and eat it too.) I have always said that a drunk man's tongue is a sober man's mind meaning that a person will not say anything drunk that they weren't thinking or feeling when sober. Every comment he made or question he posed I threw right back at him. I don't remember certain parts of this conversation but a couple comments made were me asking him if this continued if he was afraid of developing feelings or falling in love with me. He threw back some asshole comment and I told him to stop because I knew the only reason he did it was because he was intimidated by me and that I scared him. That he can try and be Mr. Asshole but I knew better and I knew that he wanted me for a very long time. He admitted that he missed me and that he was hoping every night that I would call. I mentioned the ignored booty text and he swears that he sent me one back stating that he was working. The above conversation was had with lots of dirty talk thrown in and while the fucking was still going on.I asked him what we were going to do and he asked if I wanted to discuss it right now or in the morning. Not wanting to totally ruin the sex I said morning.

It has been a long time since I have fallen asleep with a mans arms around me. A mans hands on my face as he is kissing me before we both drift off to sleep. He didn't let me go the whole night. I really miss that. This morning went exactly as I knew it would go. We didn't talk about anything. Our "relationship" has not been defined. I think I definately put him in his place as far as feelings go and I hope he remembers at least bits and pieces of our conversation to know that I am going to call him out. At 6'5" stop being such a pansy ass you big baby and tell me you have feelings for me already. He now knows that booty calls work both ways so all he has to do is pick up the phone. Hopefully he remembers. The next move is his and if he waits too long then it will be sex at Miller Park on April 4 with a hot stranger. Either way I don't expect to be disappointed.

Fun City Recap

2008-02-16T19:57:00.003-05:00

This was the best trip EVER!!! I will try to put alot of the details in here but after the tequila body shots it gets a little fuzzy. RG picked me up around 4 and we headed to Fun City. I wanted to kill WOS at this point (different post) but settled for making myself a drink and settled in for the 1 1/2 hour trip. Upon checking in we changed clothes and headed down to the bar. My company got $70 gift cards for use on drinks/foods/arcade/bowling/gokarts. The first card was free and each additional $70 card was $35. We bought 2 more which was a grand total of $210. Two cards went strictly to booze. The compnay hosted a pizza party then it was off to the casino. I didn't do so hot so i went to the arcade and hung out with my work collegues. About 10 RG called to find out where I was and I had gone to the room to get a refill (I had brought my own bottle too.) I headed down to meet him in the bar. This is where it first starts to get interesting. As I walk into the bar I see all of my co-workers and 2 males who are my age say that they were just talking about me. They were discussing how hot I am and that they could not believe that my husband was divorcing me. I set the record straight that I was divorcing HIM. One of them is putting major moves on me. Touchy feely moves, verbal moves..he keeps telling me how hot I am and how my ex is crazy...(stufff I already knew but was nice to hear from a member of the opposite sex...especially someone that I have never really talked to outside the office. Of course he is doing this in front of RG who I have not gotten a good read on at this point. Alcohol flowed. Then came a barrage of shots...cherry bombs, slippery nipples and then the dreaded TEQUILA...(like the song "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Come Off...keep reading.) The lady who ordered the tequila is mid 50's and didn't know what a body shot was. I volunteered to demonstrate, using RG's body of course. At some point after this I VAGUELY remember flashing people in our party. I only have recollection of this because after we closed down the bar we were in we went across the river to GulfPort where the bars are open til 5. While my girlfrind and I were dancing, a couple guys came up and asked if I was at Fun City earlier becasue they had seen me flash. I was now a celebrity. I saw a lot of people from Fun City at Sam's (name of the new bar.) Who the hell knows what time it is but we head back to the hotel and upon entering the room I tell RG about my celebrity status and he was pissed because he had missed my show. I gave him his own. As I was jumping on the bed (childish but fun none the less)I got the "kiss" look. We all know what that leads to.

NSAD

2008-02-15T06:25:00.003-05:00

Instead of loathing Valentine's Day, I joined others around the porld in celebrating National Single Awareness Day. I had no idea this was actually a holiday until I read OEN's blog. What an amazing idea! I may not have gotten roses (which aren't my favorite anyway), chocolate (I don't eat that much of it anyway), or loving of any sort. I alos did not have to BUY anyone else silk boxers, dinner, cologne, etc, etc,etc. I worked, I went to the gym (water retention and all) then my daughter and I came home to our happy house and set up her tent in the middle of the living room. She had the most fun trapping the poor dog inside.

WOS called me in the morning saying he had a present for his daughter and to call him back. I tried his phone 3 times and it was disconnected. He did not leave me a forwrding number. I work in the dungeon at the school and I don't get service in certain areas. If someone calls it will only come up "missed call" but not provide the number. I have told him this many times but we all know what someone's brain on drugs looks like. He never called back and I am leaving today at 4 so I am sure he will call a zillion times and it will be all my fault that he couldn't see her on Valentine's Day.Instaed of dealing with his stupidity I am simply giving my phone the night off. The message will say I am out of town and will return calls on Saturday after 4:00. That will lead to a huge barrage of nasty calls and voice messages. I may then have to get a restraining order due to harrassament. I should have thought of this a long time ago.

Cheers to getting away tonight for some much needed fun time!

Weigh Day

2008-02-13T08:08:00.002-05:00

I am thinking about skipping Weigh Day today and waiting until the 'water retention thing goes away. I was a whole pound heavier yesterday and I definately felt like it while I was running. On the bright side...I did 3 miles in 40:52! Take that water weight! I feel a little better today but I don't think the scale will give me a fair reading.

Monday my daughter was sick and I called everyone looking for someone to do me a favor. RG was the only person who called back to see what I needed but he was on the other side of town heading to a sporting event. At least he called me back. I still don't know what time we are leaving on Friday. He is trying to get hi shift covered. WOS is MIA. That's how I like him best. Or that's how I like him at all.

Resolution Update

2008-02-10T20:48:00.000-05:00

1.I will start living my life.
Update: So far so good. If there is something going on I make it a point to try and do it. No more sitting around at home for me.

2.I will find a babysitter who can come to my home to watch my daughter so that I may meet my friends more often.
Update: I have had my friends daughter twice now so that I could do stuff. The first time I had scandalous sex with RG and the second I went out with my girlfriend for drinks.

3.I will get my gym membership back.
Update: DUH! have you not been reading my other posts?! I use this religously, at least 6 days a week and some of those are 2-a-days. My daughter loves the daycare.

4. I do have time for a relationship. I am going to start dating. By February I will have gone out on at least 1 legit full fledged date. (Some things take time.)
Update: I have not found a date yet. This one may take a little more time and may not be accomplished by the end of February...stay tuned, I have a plan.

5.I am going to be a stronger person when dealing with my ex and think of not only my daughter but myself.
Update: I am happy with the way this one is going. He is not getting away with anything and I am calling him on everything. He is still in denial though so I don't think he takes me seriously most of the time.

6. I will kiss someone on New Years Eve.
Update: We all know how That one turned out. For those who don't read back...No kiss at the stroke of 12 but hard core porn sex afterward.

Summary: All in all I have stayed pretty much on track, not there that were any that I could totally mess up.

Milwaukee Or Bust

2008-02-10T18:37:00.000-05:00

I talked to MG today and she said it was fine if I wanted to stay 2 nights when I go. In fact, she said with all the drinking and hooking up I would be encouraged to Stay the whole weekend. She said I would not believe all the single men going. **Happy Dance** I could get laid. Since what happens there stays there that also means his number, his name...it will be like for 2 days I am a totally different person. I can be anyone I want. Who do I want to be? I haven't let the "alter ego" Dayna play in a while. Oooh I can hardly wait...fresh meaT I mean men! Since that happens April 4th I am hoping to be down 10 pounds and 3 sizes by then. When I can do 3 miles in 36 minutes then I will add on mile 4. Hopefully that will happen in the next 3 weeks then I should be smoking hot. Look out men...I am on a mission.

I talked to RG today, I mean actually talked on the phone. At least when I call he doesn't avoid it and send me to voicemail. I just wanted to make sure that he got my text message about Friday. Yep he got it. He got the one from the bar yesterday which means he got my booty call and ignored me. MG and I decided that if he makes a move on me Friday then I should not turn him down but just fuck him like the whore he is. I can so do dirty whore sex (with him as the whore. Remember, my compnay paid for the X-mas party and this overnight trip and he is tagging along which makes him bought and paid for.) Remember THAT when you're screaming MY name bitch.

WOS called last nught to see if he could see his daughter today. I told him we would be home after 5 and guess what...it's 6 and I haven't heard from him. He sounded really out of it when he called so I wonder if he wasn't under the influence. I swear he calls just to see if I am going to say "No" that way he can be mad at me for something. He has sure earned his nickname. I would love to write a tell all book out dealing with someone with an addiction but I would have no idea where to begin.

54 days til MKE and counting!

It All Makes Sense

2008-02-10T12:48:00.000-05:00

After looking at the calendar I have discovered that I am just suffering for really bad PMS. Hence the cravings and being tired all the time. I hope it doesn't decide to arrive Friday or Saturday next week or that would really put a damper on my out of town festivities. Since I have been working out so much it is kind of hard to tell if it will be on time or early.

When I weighed on Wednesday I had gained back half a pound. (I said my eating sucked becasue of PMS.) Thursday since we didn't have school my daughter and I went to get pizza for lunch. I ate a lot of it. In fact, I ate all but the 2 pieces she did. Saturday I decided that if my cravings for food were going to continue then I needed to combat it with a harder workout. I did 3 miles in 45 minutes instead of my usual 2miles. Then I went to the bar and ate a helping of french fries (they are they really good crinkle cut ones) and drank 4 beers. Sunday I went to the gym and did the 3 miles in 43:40 and stepped on the scale to discover that I had not only lost the half I had put back on but an additional half as well. I just needed to boost the old metabolism a little. My food cravings have vanished and now I am just tired which leads me to believe that my weekend out of town will be ruined. Maybe it's for the best.

I have been waiting for Single in Milwaukee to post about the cruise or at least call and give me the details but so far she has been MIA. I hope she is not lost at sea.

Life Without Internet

2008-02-08T20:25:00.001-05:00

So I didn't pay my internet bill and they disconnected it Tuesday night. I thought I was going to lose my mind! We had a huge snow storm so I was trapped Tuesday night and Wednesday in my home with no internet. Huge storm = No school. No School = Booty Call, which was IGNORED!!! WTF?!?! Dumb ass ignores my booty call! I have not heard from him nor have I solicted him for weeks and now he ignores me when we are supposed to be going out of town next Friday?! WTF?!

WTF?! He must have ESP because I seriously just got a text message from him asking what time I want to leave next Friday. WTF!? I have come to the conclusion that I am too much woman for him and he is scared. He is probably used to dealing with teeney boppers who have no real idea what they want or how to ask for it. Plus my sexual appetite may have been too much. Oh well. I will just have to find another friend with benefits and keep this one as just a friend.

WOS hasn't been heard from for a few days now. He must have used again. He has some serious denial issues that I wish he would get past so that we could speed this divorce up. Whenever he calls me he always says "Hi beautiful!" like he did when we were together.Get over it...it's over...I am screwing someone else...opps was, I was screwing someone else. Which gets me thinking...

What do I do if next Friday RG puts the moves on me? I certainly won't ask for it but what if he does? I guess I can do kegels all week and then fuck him like he's never been fucked before then just be a bitch. I don't believe in revenge but I would guarantee he would never forget me or that night. Maybe I should take a trip to the porn store just in case he makes a move then I can put him in his place and he can be my bitch for the night.

Somethings Surprise Me

2008-02-05T17:48:00.000-05:00

WOS called earlier to see if he could come over and wanted to see what we needed for groceries. I need everything at the moment butt wipe since you can't seem to pay child support. I know that he was using his food stamp card but who cares. He brought 2 gallons of milk, 2 dozens eggs, 2 bags of shredded cheese, string cheese, chicken breasts, Kool-Aid, frozen pancakes and some other odds and ends. WTF?

A friend of his, the cool chick from earlier posts, had her divorce court today. She is now divorced, and VERY VERY drunk and upset about it.Hopefully he sees this and will want to settle instead of going through all that in court. This might help my cause.

I had the best workout today. I ran 1.6 miles of my 2 miles and I finished the 2 in 26 minutes and 37 seconds. Fabulous! I have been EXTREMELY hungry today. I am no longer craving a large Taco Pizza but now I am really craving sex. I wonder if RG would stop by so I could screw his brains out since my daughter will be home tonight. I really only have to wait 10 more days but that seems like forever when you are as horny as I. I would not be able to have the hard core porn sex I am craving but at least I could get the desire for his lips off my mind so I could focus on something else.

Patience, Patience

2008-02-04T21:16:00.000-05:00

I really wanted to step on the scale today. I really wanted to try on the pair of jeans that I want to fit in by the 15th. I didn't. I know that the only reason I feel SUPER thin today is because I had a great workout today. I did 2 miles in 30 mintues and followed it up with an abs class. I am going to wait until Weigh Day Wednesday before I do either of the above two things. At my open house on Sunday when I didn't have anyone there I compensated by doing walking lunges. For the first time my ass HURTS. I really hope that 2 days from now the scale reads: 174. If that doesn't happen then I hope that the jeans fit a little less snug. I was craving a Taco Pizza tonight. I was craving Coconut Shrimp from Outback tonight. I didn't have either, yet, and instead split a bag of M&M's with my daughter. Boy, no hard core porn sex, no taco pizza, no coconut shrimp, I really need to start giving in to my cravings! Februaryh 15th hopefully I can induldge in at leat one of my cravings.

What Does it All Mean?

2008-02-03T19:59:00.000-05:00

So I didn't hit up RG for hard core porn sex.It has been way too long, but if this FWB situation is going to work then it is probably for the best. The more casual the less chance of me having relationship like feelings for him right? (Or at least more than there already are.) I hate the "what if" game and I don't like thinking about how scenarios might go but if I had my way this is how February 15 will go....

He picks me up and drives to the hotel. After checking in we head to the room to put our bags away before heading to the casino. After the door closes behind us he grabs me and pushes me up against the wall. He kisses me the way only he can (makes me wet just thinking about it.) He then says that he has been wishing that I would have called because he really missed me. After ripping of all our clothes and having hard core porn sex we go down to the casino and he is my epidimy of a perfect date. Then he makes it known that he's ready for round 2 and we spend the rest of the night in the room where he professes his undying love and we have more hard core porn sex. He doesn't have to profess his love but I definately want the porn sex.

Anyway, (I got sidetracked from my real post) since I didn't hit up RG last night I went to bed HORNY. Instead of dreaming of his strong masculine hands and perfect lips running all over my hot body, (opps there I go again) I dreamt of an ex boyfriend from like 6 years ago. WTF?!I have no clue where he is living, (last I knew he was in Colorado) if he is married, what he is doing. I haven't spoke to him since December of 2003. Why did he suddenly appear in my dream? In my dream he had some illness and only had a short time to live. I tried to think of how to spell his last name so I could google him but I can't even remember that so why did he show up last night? There was nothing really special about him was there? I don't think I even had sex with him in my dream so he served no purpose. What does it mean?

Booty or No Booty

2008-02-02T19:05:00.000-05:00

When my daughter took her nap today I re-read OEN's Threesome MFM. Bad idea! She is so masterful at writing that she takes you there and you can almost experience it yourself. Even after giving myself two orgasms this afternoon I could really go for some hard core porn sex. There is only one person to hit up for hard core porn sex...RG. Unfortunately he is probably working tonight. I really wanted to try and wait until our overnight trip on the 15th before I hit him up for sex again. That gives me 2 more weeks of working out before he sees me. A lady at my office today said that I looked like I had lost a lot of weight, which made me feel good. I would like to see if he notices a difference. Don't worry...I am not going to be stupid and angry if he doesn't, it's just that he is the only one who has seen me naked(other than myself) before I started working out and now. So even with as horny as I am (I think I might die if I don't get laid soon) I am torn. Decisions, decisions. Since I have to work tomorrow and after my open house I am meeting a potential client to list her house I had better not get my lips all roughed up which comes from kissing RG. Or I could just not kiss him. That's half the turn on though since the boy is gifted in the "knowing how to use your mouth" department. I may have to excuse myself again..the thought gives me the chills -shudders.

Ramblings

2008-02-01T21:51:00.000-05:00

Today we took our special ed kids roller skating. (I work at the high school.) How much fun that was! We had a total blast not to mention the great workout it provided. That was still not enough for me and I went to the gym as soon as I got home. I did interval training with the intervals being 1 minute and then a higher incline. When I reached 10 minutes than I lowered the incline until it got back to zero. Then I ran half a mile in 5 minutes and went to the weights. The pair of jeans that I would like to fit into by February 15th fit in my waist and butt, however, they are a little snug in the thigh area for my liking. I really hate lunges and will avoid them at all costs but it looks as though I have to add them on.

MG ordered the opening day tickets because I decided that I was going to go. I love going out of town because for a brief time I can pretend to be anyone or anything I want. It is my 'Mental Break" from the reality called my life. I decided not to ask some booty (RG) to go but rather be able to flirt all I want while I am there. Who knows, depending on MG's schedule I may stay Friday and Saturday both. I haven't left my daughter for 2 nights before so I think I am long overdue. Sorry Grandma and Grandpa:)

I only heard from WOS once this whole week. That is so nice when I don't have to deal with that. The one time he called was just to say that he wasn't going to make it over to see his daughter. YEAH...for me!

Best Catches

2008-02-01T17:47:00.000-05:00

So while surfing through some other links from others blogs I ran across this one:

http://cantbelievehesstillsingle.blogspot.com

This site is so funny. They just rip on people's dating headlines snd what catches some of these potential mates just might be.

Valentine's Day

2008-01-30T20:28:00.000-05:00

I am actually dreading the big V day this year. I didn't bother me last year, or the year before. My wedding anniversary was on Jan. 22 and even that didn't phase me. The impending Valentine's Day has me feeling a little slumpy. Why am I feeling slumpy you ask? I am, unfortunately, a romantic. When WOS and I first started dating he was working out of town and every Sunday before he left he would send me flowers at work. He got me cards just because and left me sweet text and voice messages. I was the envy of all my friends because I had someone who, no matter what, made me feel like I was the most beautiful, awesome, special woman in the world. (I think I am but it is nice to get that validation from someone of the other sex occasionally.) In retrospect, it was all a farce because he was doing all he could to hide his double life of drug addiction from me. I want the fairytale. I want Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet. I don't need someone who has lots of money or materialistic possessions. I need/want someone who has the ability to love me fully and completely with reckless abandon. I want someone who is not afraid to love even though it might not work. I want someone who is willing to gamble on love with his heart as the ante.The next man that is willing to put it all out there will be the person I fall for. I don't think that person exists and I am not willing to settle this time around. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life either though, so how long do I wait before I settle for mediocre? I am really dreading Valentine's Day.

2 More Down, 2 Less To Go

2008-01-30T20:18:00.000-05:00

So today I weighed before going to the gym. I didn't have high expectations tonight because I really wasn't able to work out like I wanted to due to my toe being wrecked. I stepped on the scale and it said "176." I dropped 2 more pounds. Two weeks in a row I drop 2 pounds! If I can keep that up I would be back to pre-baby weight in 8 weeks which would be right at the end of this little weight loss competition. That would put my grand total at 19 pounds or just a tad past 10% which is what we are going off of, total percent lost. Baby steps, baby steps. If real estate has taught me one thing it is not to count on it until it's in the bank. After weighing I went to the gym and did 2 miles in 28 minutes 3 seconds, my second best ever. I really pushed myself hard at the end because I wanted to try and beat my best and I came so close. I ran 3/4 of a mile straight which is more than I usually run. Tomorrow I will try to run 1 mile. I am extremely content with my weigh in and my workout.

Double/Double or Queen

2008-01-29T16:50:00.000-05:00

So I had to make the hotel reservations for my company party. The options for lodging were A: Double room with 2 queen size beds, B: Single King bed, or C: Bunk bed room sleeps 8. Needless to say I did not pick the bunk beds but I was kind of confused as to which other room to take. Since I had not talke to RG since the night of his assholiness I don't know whether I should expect to have sex or if we are just going as friends minus the benefits. I went the safe route and got the 2 double beds. This way if it gets closer and he backs out I can take my daughter and my parents and still have a great time. I called him (and he answered, no voicemail) and told him that I had us reserved to go so if anything changed to let me know. He said cool and that he was working so he'd call me later. I told him he didn't have to call me back and that I really expected his voicemail.

I have a stupid on-line class to take in 30 minutes and I really want to go to the gym but seeing how we are in the middle of a blizzard it is colder than hell outside and I think I may have to improvise with an old workout tape.(Buns of Steele anyone?) Tomorrow is Weigh Day and I am not feeling like any pounds are gone. I have set small, short term goals for myself. The first one was for a kickball game because I didn't want to hobble around for a week like I did the last time. Unfortunately we didn't get to play. The next short term goal is to "comfortably" fit into a certain pair of jeans by February 15. This is the date of my out of town, overnight trip with RG. After that I will think of one for April 4 which I think will be a day I take off and go see MG in MKE for opening day at the Brewers. The next one will be May 10 and the wedding. There seems to be a lot of time in between Feb 15 and April 4. I may have to cut that down to March 15 for my sisters' bachlorette party. The most noticeable difference is that my undies don't cut into my hips. Thank God for small steps!

Two-a-Day

2008-01-27T19:24:00.000-05:00

Unfortunately I am not talking about sex. Even with my big toe throbbing ans seeping blood I still went to the gym twice today. Since I can't do my usual powerhouse run I thought it might help boost some metabolism. I walked for 50 minutes this morning on an incline. This amounted to 2 and a half miles. Not only had my toe bled through both band-aids and my sock but it REALLY hurt. Tonight WOS came over to make a cake with his daughter, (not to worry, I am on a mission so I will NOT consume the whole thing.) I decided that I would go back to the gym so I walked half a mile in 12 minutes on an incline and then did a small abs and moderate arms work out. I have a 10 lbs. medicine ball at my house so I have been using that for anything and everything if I have a few minutes.

The dress for my sisters wedding is strapless and I really want/need to do some major toning on the upper body so that I look even hotter than I plan on looking in it. May 10 or bust. I don't know if it physically possible for me to drop 5 sizes by then but I am going to do everything healthy in my powers to make that happen. Except give up alcohol and cream chesse, and any other kind of cheese, and chicken nachos and cheese wantons from the ID. And cocnut shrimp and baked potatoes from Outback and Taco Pizza from Happy Joes. That's it...I will only eat them in moderation and only if I get lucky enough to have a date that they are paying for, except the alcohol and cheese and anything with cheese.

Aside from some friendly banter I have no scandalous run-ins or calls from RG.
Speaking of which in a round about way...I sent out a couple of texted and MSP friend has not responded at all. I seriously think he is mad that I didn't fuck him while he was down here. I have a hard enough time screwing one of my friends let alone screwing 2 guys that are my friends and who are friends. That would be one big ugly triangle that I want no part of.

Well it looks like my daughter wants to do some exercises so I am off for some more...wish it was sex.

Boring Continued

2008-01-25T18:25:00.000-05:00

After my great workout on Wednesday 1 went and weighed. I know that my clothes are fitting differently. Since I didn't weigh the week before because I was sick with strep I hadn;t worked out either and I was a little worried. I lost 2 1/2 pounds! Totally stoked because of this and since I had such a great work out I was really pumped for my workout on Thursday. After watching "The Biggest Loser" and seeing how how they push themselves I knew I was being a pansy ass and needed to step it up. I am not as out of shape as I think I am. My body is able to take a lot more than I have been putting on it.

Not gonna happen! In my special ed kids' adaptive PE class I dropped a weight on my toe. My big toe! I was in so much pain I thought I was going to puke. Didn't see that coming...or at least I did I just didn't have a lot of time to react.The good news...it's not broke. The bad news...the blood blister on top of my toe and under the nail. That sucker is gonna fall off. They gave me a special boot to wear to help protect my toe from the rubbing of material but IT HURTS! We are headed to our local drinking establishment early tommorrow so I think I am going to see if I can somehow use it to my advantage and get some digits.
Maybe then I can get back to the scandalous posts I was loving so much!

I Bit the Bullet

2008-01-19T19:00:00.000-05:00

So I was sitting there aimlessly at my open house today. There was not a soul out due to it being the coldest day of the year (with wind chill -25). No one was home either because I went through my contacts and hit up every single person. No one answered their phone. Then I did it. WTF! I sent RG a text asking him if he was still up for the overnight paid trip with my company. I swear I am not dickmotized (OEN). I would just rather bank on a sure thing than nothing at all. Plus nothing says that I can't talk with other peolpe while we are out and about. Maybe I can score some digits for a rendevous at a later date. Did I just make RG sound used and cheap by referring to him as a "sure thing?" Nothing will ever lessen his opinion of himself so it doesn't matter. He sent a text back saying that he was still up for it and I let him know that I would get back to him with the details when I got them. Short, sweet and to the point.

In WTF? ramblings today:

1. I sent a text to all my friends on Thursday letting them know that Strep Throat had not killed me off and that if anyone wished to bring a get well present then ice cream would be wonderful. NO response from anyone!?! WTF!

2. WOS calling every night while on his "sabbatical" north and acting like nothing is wrong. WTF!

BORING

2008-01-17T17:42:00.000-05:00

So I figured out why everyone pissed me off. I went to the doctor on Tuesday with a raging case of...Strep Throat. (Sorry I'm a saftey girl so no STD's here.) On that note I have not heard from RG. Guess he wasn't that into me after all. Let me rephrase...I guess he was only interested in EXTREMELY casual sex (meaning maybe once a month) instead of Friends With Benefits type sex. To borrow a saying from the OEN blog, I was not dickmotized. I can get it anywhere if I want it, I just chose to experiment with my friend. Now I need to find a new friend to experiment with. Hopefully one which may also want a more meaningful relationship.

So to recap...I have been home, in my bed, by myself with strep throat. Hopefully next week will lead to new adventures. WOS is 2 hours north this week so if I went out this weekend he would not hear about it until after he got back on Tuesday. It has been sooooo nice having him gone. I wish he would just stay gone.

And I Was Pissed Before

2008-01-12T20:25:00.000-05:00

Am I ever pissed now! Not only has RG pissed me off, but wouldn't you know WOS did too. I was generous enough to give him a ride two hours away with SIL, the kids and me. I was venting about why RG is not on my friend list at the moment. No she does not know that I sleep with him. I lied and gave her the jist. WOS is in the way backseat and decides that now is a good time to start in on me about his friends calling to tell him what I was doing all night and how he is going for more rights and we need to discuss things, yadda, yadda, yadda. I told him that I would not discuss this with kids in the car. He kept right on spewing while sitting next to my 13 year old niece. COME ON! Use your head! I told him again that I would not talk about this with kids in the car. I was half tempted to pull over and tell him to get out in the cold and the middle of nowhere. I bit my tongue like the classy thing I am. We got to my in-laws and he went in the kitchen with SIL. I said I was going to unpack our stuff and she came with me. She told me that I handled that situation very well and that he should have known better than to bring it up in front of other people especially the kids. She told me that while they were in the kitchen that he told her how mad he was because his "friends" kept calling to tell him what I was doing. I thought my life was boring. If you have nothing better to do than call someone when I go to the bathroom, talk to the people at my table, or get up to play Big Buck Hunter than you need a new life. She told him it was absolutely ridiculous that his "friends" were doing that and he should tell them to stop. I didn't talk to him the whole trip. Lucky for him he stayed up there.

So he just called me and I went off. He said that he was mad too because he had to listen to his friends all night and he didn't like SIL and I discussing my night out while he was around. I told him that that's too bad that his low class friends had no life and had to call him with all the boring details of my night. His response was, "what of it's your friends that are calling me." WHATEVER! I have 6 people in this town that I would consider "friends." None of them care to have his number and none of them would call him. I did not know anyone in the bar even though it was packed for pool league. I think what he meant was an acquaintence of mine, but even then, I did not know anyone. My definition of a friend is someone that you can call on a regular basis, share experiences and stories with and go out with.These people are loyal to you. His definition is anyone he has ever met or seen or had other friends talk about. He won't know a thing about you including your last name ,but your his friend. He told me that he didn't even know if he still cared. Maybe I will get this divorce before summer starts if he will start talking and mediate.

Too bad I don't think I I could switch to women. It might be easier.

True Colors

2008-01-11T13:01:00.000-05:00

I am SO pissed! Alcohol definately helps to show peoples' true colors. RG came over an hour after he texted me. He was on the phone for a good 15 minutes in the beginning. From the moment he walked through my door he had a major chip on his shoulder. Knowing him like I do I knew he had consumed way too much alcohol and he was his asshole persona.CL had sent a sexually explict, funny drunken text. To make a long story super short he completely snapped at me. After he said he was going out with friends I dropped a proposition for an afterhours for 2 party. No response. I guess in his state he thought he sent one back because he snapped, "I told ya I'd call when I left". Ah, no ya didn't. It was not a big deal but I didn't like where this was heading. He actually made a move on me this time. I must say that the first 3 times we had sex I was in awe. Now I have come to understand the way his body works. Lots of alcohol=Limpy, limpy limpy. Now, regardless, he is ever the giver and gave me mine more times than I can count in the hour and a half he was here. No alcohol=very short sex time but we definately stand at attention. Anyway he just continued to be crass and almost down right rude. All he kept saying was I can leave if you want me to. Which now in retrospect may just have been his way of getting reassurance that I really did want him.

His whole asshole behavior was a real turn off. I have dealt with that with WOS for the last few years and I am not going to let anyone regarless if you are a friend or a fuck to be an asshole to me. My afterhours time is about me. Come in happy and ready to pretend that nothing else matters. This is our time to pretend and have crazy, uninhibited sex. I am not going to be hitting RG up anytime soon that's for sure. Stupid, drunk dickhead just lost the best afterhours he had had in a while.

Just Can't Get Enough

2008-01-11T03:23:00.000-05:00

So I went out for dinner with T. I swear I haven't seen her in at least 8 months. She was very excited about the RG hook up. After that I went met up with CL at our favorite establishment. RG finally texted me back but said he was meeting up with some people after he got off work. About 1:30 I get a message asking what I was doing. He is supposedly on his way over so we will see how long it actually takes him. Bar close is 2am so he shouldn't be that much longer.

Just a side note: If you are ever in a bar and see men in kilts, bet your friends LOTS of money that there is nothing on underneath. I saw so much ass crack tonight I might be blind.

Not Exactly

2008-01-10T16:45:00.000-05:00

Boring, boring, boring. That is how the last few days have been. I weighed in on Wednesday and ended up half a pound heavier. Not exactly the results I had hoped for.I know that this is do to my working out and holding more water in my muscles and since my clothes are fitting differently I don't care. In the next 2 weeks my metabolism will kick up and pounds will start falling off. I did go to the gym today and so I feel good about that.

WOS came to see his daughter last night. I left for a few minutes to run to the office and fax a sales contract and he called 15 minutes after I left to say she was through a fit and crying. Who's the parent? He has no idea how to parent and she will be able to walk all over him his whole life if he doesn't step it up.

I am meeting some friends out tonight and was supposed to have a hook up with RG. I sent a text but haven't heard back yet if we are still on. I don't really expect him to tell me "No."

Heading up to see the in-laws this weekend and I think WOS is going so that should be interesting sleeping arrangements. He ain't sleeping with me! SIL and I are taking the kids up Friday night and after my jewelry party on Saturday, which I hope won't run too much past 3, to head for home. I can only stand my mother-in-law for a short time. You would think that after my high patience level with my MD kids all day that I would have some for her. I don't.

Tomorrow's THE Day

2008-01-08T21:15:00.000-05:00

So tomorrow is Weigh Day. Tonight I did 2 miles in 29 minutes and 40 seconds AFTER I had already done the stair climber. This is the stair climber where you actually have to pick up your feet because the stairs roll. I realized after about 4 minutes that I am nowhere near ready to do stairs. I only made it 6 minutes, however, that is 6 minutes longer than I had done it in the past. I have been eating right this week and working out so I am ready! If nothing else, I feel better about myself and that I am working on me. Also, my clothes are starting to fit a little different so that gives me more encouragement. My daughter has a blast in the daycare so it makes it easier for me to work out knowing that she is having fun.

On a note totally off subject: I found this blog called the Over-Educated Nympho. It is raw, real and to the point. Not to mention after reading some of the posts I had to go masturbate it was so titillating and HOT. I highly recommend this site.

2 Hours to Kill

2008-01-07T20:58:00.000-05:00

So I was supposed to have a jewelry meeting tonight but due to the fog I didn't want to drive way out of town. On the way home from picking up my daughter at daycare I dropped a text to RG asking what he was doing this evening between 6 and 8. He was going to watch the game at 7. I told him it was to bad he had plans because I wasn't going to my meeting and I had a sitter so he could have done me. He said he could do both. I went to the gym first and did a mile and a half. I really didn't work too hard but I was planning on a workout of a different kind in less than 2 hours. So after I dropped her off I dropped by his place.It was a little different since no alcohol was involved. After idle chit chat for a good 15 minutes, (Hello, you know what I am there for so jump me already) he sighed, "Oh D", and sat down on the edge of the couch. I moved in and that's where it began.I usually have "lights dimmed sex" or "lights out sex". RG is much more of a "lights on" kind of guy. No problems here. Even though the sex was still hot, it was not nearly as long as it has been the past couple, alcohol induced times. He is an eyes closed kisser. And I am not sure if he is much of a BJ guy because when I went down on my knees he didn't let me stay there very long until he threw me up on his bed. He DEFINATELY likes to go down. That is fine with me because the man has skills.I have already solicited him for Thursday night after I go out with my friends. Here is my dilema... I am always soliciting him for sex and always making the first move so... is he not that into me or is he so into me that he can't or is afraid too? (Remember I have been friends with him for 12 years.)

Weekend Recap

2008-01-06T17:45:00.001-05:00

This weekend I did a total of 6 miles. Today I did 2 miles in 27 minutes and 50 seconds.I made it to the gym everyday this weekend for 30 minutes. I am quite proud of myself.

My first open house went ok. I had 2 groups through and I might have a shot of working with one of them. They were going to go to open houses today and see if they could find a REALTOR they liked. Hopefully they liked me! It's a good thing that rejection, at least on a professional level, doesn't bother me or my self esteem would be shot. I would probably have to go to the gym more to make up for it. Did I mention I feel thinner?!

WOS called today. It was pretty nice not hearing from him for the last 3 days. I told him I went to the gym. He asked if I missed my old workout partner. I told him I missed my trainer. He has court tomorrow for something. He had $2300 in fines to pay and somehow now he only has $900 in order to get back his license...or so he thinks. The lady at Child Support Recovery Services has put something on his license so he can't get it back until he pays. Won't he be pissed.

I have a lia sophia meeting on Monday and 3, hopefully huge, parties this weekend. I am in dire straights this month and this is my only way out of it. If I can do $3500 in parties in the next week I can make $1000 by the 20th so I could pay my bills. I do have a closing coming up .It's not a lot but right now I will take every little bit I can.

Here's looking ahead to Thursday and a hook up with RG.

Damn it Feels Good

2008-01-05T15:48:00.000-05:00

I forgot just how good a hard workout can make a person feel. I made it to the gym again today. I feel thinner, skinnier, sexier all from just a workout. Did I mention I feel thinner?! I know it is all in my head but I am now obsessed with winning this little competition and starting off my newly singleness with a bang. I want a hot summer body and I am going to do whatever,(aside from eating disorders and steriods) to get it. My body is not bad so I really shouldn't complain, but I do still have a little of the baby weight that I would like gone. I realize that I will probably never again be a size 8 (having baby = more curvy hips and bigger boobs)but if I lost the baby weight and 10 more pounds I would feel really great. It was kind of difficult on NYE to see all the younger,skinny girls at RG's birthday bash and not be jealous. I have never let age get in the way but I am almost 33 and he just turned 28. On a positive note, he could have had his choice of any younger, skinnier girl but he came to my house...to be with me... after hours... on the biggest night of the year.

So tomorrow I will get to the gym in the morning and then go to my open houses (cause us REALTORS have to work on Sundays) and then who knows, maybe I will do a "two a day" tomorrow.

Obsession

2008-01-04T21:54:00.000-05:00

Here I go again...I sent RG a text yesterday. No reply. I sent a racy one today. No reply. I have a very large sexual appetite, especially since I went without for so long that I just can't get enough. As soon as something else comes up to occupy my mind then I won't spend it all on RG. Still, it makes me wonder after the comments he made why there has been no communication on his part.

In other news, I made it to the gym...FINALLY! My goal was 2 miles in 30 minutes. 15 minute miles don't seem to be very good but I had to start somewhere. I actually did it in 31 minutes and 9 seconds. Next time I will have to push myself a little harder either at the beginnng or at the end so that the clock reads 30 minutes. The good news is that the little saddlesbags and love handles were sore when I got done so it makes me feel like I accomplished something today. I have to go to the office tomorrow and then will head over to do another 2 miles. Cardio really is my friend when it comes to shedding inches. Weigh-in is next Wednesday and I want to have a little bit of a jump start on everyone.

I have scheduled apps and drinks out with two of my very best friends. I can't remember the last time we went out, just the 3 of us. Since they have to work the next day and I have off I am going out with another friend after that. I have been such a recluse for so long that I am making a conscience effort to go out at least once a week now. I really need to join a club or something so that I can meet a new group of, hopefully more single people.

Just got a text back. It's funny how I smile when my phone vibrates because I know it's a text message. He apologized for taking so long. Now I can quit obsessing. I may have to go take care of things myself though since it doesn't look like I will have any company tonight...but at 9:20 the night is still young!

Resolution Updates

2008-01-02T18:12:00.000-05:00

I finally got my membership back to the gym. I know it has been about 3 weeks ago when I went to get it but due to the lady being gone I was unable to obtain the paperwork. Tomorrow would be my first day but we have gymnastics so there is no time in between when I get off work and then have to be there. So tonight I am going to start in my home with a dance party. Just my daughter, myself and a great mix CD. A guy I dated years ago made it for me and called it "Old Guy at The Gym" mix because he always thought the old guys were scoping me. Anyways, who knows, maybe my daughter will love the dance party and we can make it a weekly thing.

The weight loss club has started and my friend that started it said that if I win and all my weight loss is do to the amount of sex I am having with RG then I am disqualified. I went to the doctor on Saturday for my sinus infection and their scale said 184.5. Hers said 179. I either lost a crap ton of weight New Years Eve doing the between the sheets dance or there is a big discrepancy in scales. I liked hers better.

Speaking of RG. On his way home from Chi-town today he sent me a text. I din't know that he was out of town and I mentioned a nooner, half kidding half not, since it was past 1:00. My lips are so sore from New Years that I don't think I could do anything today anyway. I love kissing him but the scruff gets me since they haven't been getting any action until the last month. I keep saying that I don't know where this is headed but I have a good idea where I want it to go.

So to sum up:
1. I did get my gym membership back
2. I did not get a kiss at 12 on NYE but I got sex at 2:30. (I will count that as completed.)
The other ones are still works in progress.

Hello 2008!

2008-01-01T09:30:00.000-05:00

So 10 minutes after I sent RG a text to stop by on his way home from after hours he called. He wasn't going to go to the house party. Within 30 minutes we were kissing in my kitchen. That was the kiss I wanted at 12 but it was worth the wait.Then came 2hours of birthday/New Years sex. When faced witht the option of after hours or birthday sex he said that said not just any birthday sex but sex with me wins hands down. He told me that this was the best birthday present he ever got which I had to respond with this was my best New Years ever because it truly was. I am not going to let myself get swept away because this is so new but I think we have potential here.I knew when he gave me "the look." I know he wanted me a long time ago. I wanted him once too. Now it may be our time. There is too much chemistry to deny it. Here's a toast to me: May 2008 be the best one yet.

P.S. WOS called and wanted to go out with me.He said he was all dressed up with nowhere to go. I've been there a few times too buddy waiting on your ass so don't play that card with me. I got no sympathy for ya.

Happy New Year

2008-01-01T02:32:00.000-05:00

So I went to RG's party. I did not get a kiss at 12 but he did not either so i did pucker up in front of friends for a birthday kiss. I left the bar and ran into him on the way out. He invited me to after hours to which I declined. I asked him if he got everything he wanted for his birthday and he said not quite. Then he gave me "the look." You know, the look that says I want to kiss you and not stop or the please come to after hours with me. I said "What" and his reply was nothing and looked away. I told him that if his birthday was lacking anything then he should stop by on his way home. He said that he would call on his way. I sent him a text of the same thing on his way home so now I wait and see.

Oh, I did hit on the cop who was doing the bar check and it helped that my best friend and her cop husband were there. I also hit on a few other HOT men. All in all I would say that so far 2008 is started off in the right direction.

The Last Hurrah

2007-12-31T16:47:00.001-05:00

So here it is 3:45pm on New Years Eve and I have made up my mind what I am doing. After having a go with the "hubby" I am definately going out...sinus infection and all. He is going to try and make it as hard and as brutal as he can. So partly to spite him and partly for the "New Me in "08" campaign I am going out. I texted RG earlier in the day and wished him a happy birthday to which he responded by asking me what I was doing tonight and giving me an invite to his party as well as bringing any guests I wished. No cover and free booze all night plus a plethra of hot, single men..NO BRAINER! I don't care if I can't find any single friends, or married ones without plans, I am going to RG's party. The next dilema is what to wear. I hadn't given it any thought. Because of this sinus infection I was going to stay in.

I talked with WOS friend the other night. She said that he was being a big baby and snifling about me going out on Thursday with my friends. She said she asked him how mad he would be if people started saying that they were sleeping together. His reply was, "This is different." She told him that my going out with my friends was the exact same as them habging out. There was no difference and he needed to see that. Granted, I have a friend with benefits so it is slightly different, but for a long time it wasn't.He keeps saying "my wife." I'm sorry but I have not been your wife for over a year. The only thing that makes me "your wife" is a little piece of paper because you won't mediate to have the divorce finalized. He then says that he was going to call my dad and ask him if he wanted to go with him and his daughter to aA AA meeting, dinner and dance tonight. What the ...? My family is not interested in anything to do with you until you start providing for their granddaughter. You are NOT part of my family. If he had been providing for our daughter then I would have no problem inviting him to functions.

Other friends just called and were looking for something to do. Looks like I will be taking a few more with me to RG's. I will let ya know how the start of the New Year ended.

Before the New Year

2007-12-30T20:02:00.000-05:00

So tomorrow is New Years Eve. I have a sinus infection. Guess Thursday night I probably should not have smoked that pack of cigs huh? My sister and all of the usual crew I hang out with are going to a hotelThey have a dinner/room/dance package. Couples stuff. All my other friends are married (except MG but she lives 3 1/2 hours away and I am pretty sure she'll be with the BF) and this is my first true New Years by myself. So here's my dilema...

#1. Do I go to the hotel dance solo and hope to meet someone there, although since it is a package deal I think the majority would be couples and the chances are slim that I will be locking lips at the stroke of 12?

OR

#2. It is RG's birthday. That's right... on New Years Eve it is RG's birthday. He has reserved the top floor of a local drinking establishment and provided a lot free beer. I could go to this event solo and wind up hanging out with a lot of people I am familiar with just not on a "I'll call you and we can go out" basis.

Now that I am looking at these two options #2 seems the better for a couple reasons. The first one being that since it is at a bar there are bound to be some single kissable men there (RG included.) The next one being that since I am acquainted with a lot of these people they may be the perfect network for my next resolution and that is to have a "real" date by the end of February. The only down side I can readily see is RG will be overly intoxicated and if he locked lips with someone at 12and it wasn't me how would I feel? I guess, hopefully, I would be doing lip locking as well so I would not notice.

I joined a weight loss challenge group. My friend is putting it on and with my sister's wedding approaching I wouldn't mind a little motivation. After doing weights with my school kids I have realized that I am not that far out of shape, I just need some cardio to start fat burn. $1 a week for 15 weeks equals free money for me cuz I am going to win!

A New Year, A New Me! 2008 is going to be a great year and it is all about me!

2007-12-28T09:24:00.000-05:00

So last night a friend come in from out town. He used to live here and came back for a visit. Two of my girlfriends, him, one of his friends and RG went out. This was the first time since my X-mas party that I have actually seen RG. I talked to him on the phone briefly Christmas Eve and via text but that's it. One of my friends was so excited to see "the awkward moment" (the first time you see someone after having sex) but to her dismay, it wasn't there. There is no awkwardness. As the night went on and the drinks kept coming I wasn't sure if I should persue Round 2 or see what happens. At the last bar of the night our playful banter started. As did that of my out of town friend. He was looking to have a party for 2 back in his room. I am just not interested. Needless to say was that all he got was a hug at the end with a promise to go out again tonight. On the way home I bit the bullet, sort of and sent RG a generic text. I must admit that I was a little disappointed that he didn't make an effort to come over. So after a little texting he asked what I was going to do. I wasn't sure if he was referring to right now at 3:00 in the morning or about our out of town friend scenario so I responded in the now. I said I was going to soak in the tub and try to get rid of my headache since I wasn't wealthy enough to emply a masseur. And then there it was...the response I was hoping for. "Anything I can do to help you out?" Which I got at 4:30 this morning because I passed out! ARG!!!!!! Needless to say I had such a bad headache that I didn't feel up for sexcapades but if he was offering to put his hands on my body and rub then AMEN!I figured that since it had been an hour and a hlaf that he was probably asleep now so I sent a text at 8 when I got up saying that I really missed out and that had I not passed out then I would definately have taken him up on that offer and next time I will skip the bath. Oh what could have been! So we are all going out again with the exception of RG who has to work. I think we may go out to his establishment though
so I may have to get "left" and catch a ride home from him. My house is right on his way so it's not like he would have to go out of his way.

A Nice Meeting

2007-12-27T17:16:00.000-05:00

As a follow up to the Rampage post. WOS actually came over last night to see his daughter. His called a friend of his that he has known for 30 years, (the chick that he was going to have bring him over during my mental breakdown and got a ride.) I had only talked to her on the phone and this was the first time I had met her. He brought presents for Olivia and flowers and a bottle of wine for me. (I like this girl already.)

Surprising enough, she is going through a divorce as well and her husband had a drinking problem which has now moved on to drugs. While WOS was with his daughter her and I went to Carlos for a couple margs. Her and I totally bonded. She laid it all out as far as how her and WOS have had yelling matches because she tells him to get his life straight and she can't hang out with crack heads and that he has done horrible things and that I do the best I can. We have the same views and outlooks on the drug culture and the treatment centers in our area. We have both attended the family counseling portion and thought they teach crap. The try to tell families of the addicts that the have a sickness, an illness, a disease. I have never believed this and neither does she. A few months back I watched an interview with Daniel Baldwin and he was discussing his own addiction to cocaine. They had a conselor from Promises, (I think.)The cost is like $50,000 a month. The interviewer asked if you could call this a disease or a sickness. His reply was, "Sure, if you never want to get better. This gives you an excuse to use." AMEN!!!! Finally someone has put what I thought into words. I wish the treatment centers here would follow this approach and quit making it seem like the addicts can't help it. They make a choice. Every time they get a paycheck they can either give it someone to hold or contribute to their families or they can cash it and buy drugs. You can go right home to your family after work or go to the bar and tie one on every night. It is a CHOICE!

So unfortunately for WOS his only friend right is a HUGE supporter of me and hopefully I can make for life a little easier through her divorce because of what I have already gone through.

Welfare Drug Test

2007-12-27T17:08:00.000-05:00

"Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me.
I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees
fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random
urine test with which I have no problem.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who
don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine
test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for
them??"

This has probably already circulated the web but I found it most interesting since I have an ex who really took advantage of this. After being unemployed for a year an a half I would have gone crazy. Welfare is not a way to earn a living. To have my ex receive food stamps and assisted living expenses while all he did was sit on his arse and smoke cocaine while I am barely able to supply for my daughter and myself working 3 jobs to be told I make too much money to get any assistance. I, for one, am totally for drug testing in order to receive welfare. Why not give it to those peolpe who are in dire straits and just need a break instead of the crack head who goes to the local hangout on the 1st of every month to sell their food card for drugs, or money to buy drugs.

The state and federal governments would save LOTS of money and would be able to help those who deserve it not those who are lazy and want everything handed to them.

The Rampage Continues

2007-12-26T18:15:00.000-05:00

After the fiasco on the 23rd, (I didn't think it was that big of a deal) WOS calls me tonight and just blows his stack. He wasn't there on the 23rd, he called me on the 24th around 4 and said he'd call me back in half an hour...you guessed it, I never heard from him so I went to SIL's house again. He called me on Christmas at 9:30am and I called back arond 3:30pm to let him know when we would be home and that I would make whatever arrangements so that my daughter could give him his present. Never heard back. Tonight at 5:00 he calls me ranting about the 23rd. I guess he went to the court house today and I have no idea what he did there but he informed me that tomorrow he was going to see my lawyer because he was sick of dealing with me. Good Luck...both getting in to see her because she is so busy and with her because she has it in for you buddy. She was recommended to be by members of the police department as well as an Assistant District Attorney. Throughout our whole conversation he kept telling me how I wasn't going to get what I wanted and how he was going for 50/50 and all the next holidays because he missed Father's Day ( I called him after my open house and he had a pity party and didn't want any help), the 23rd (he never called me or I would have let him know that I got plowed out), the 24th (he never called me back) and Christmas (he never returned my call.) He keeps throwing "Contempt of Court" in my face since he hasn't seen her every night for 2 hours like it says in our papers and how I broke all my wedding vows because I gave up on him. I guess he has not tried to see things from my perspective at all. After looking through my papers I am glad I hired a GREAT attorney. I had said that I would allow for WOS to see his daughter every night but after reading this it says "a minimum of 3 nights". Well guess what? I am busy the next 2. On another positive note...I think they may have garnished his paycheck because he made some snide comment about it. And I think financing is coming together for my other headache (client). The end of 2007 and start of 2008 are looking better and better.

Let His Pity Party Continue

2007-12-24T13:14:00.000-05:00

My in-laws were planning to do X-mas on the 23rd. That was the only day that everyone was able to make it. Since this is Iowa and winter, the great storm rolled through and Mom and Dad in-law got stuck up north. Since all the kids were here in town we decided to go ahead and do the kids presents. I got stuck 2 times in the driveway and had to shovel myself out so I finally gave up and said that I wouldn't be able to make it. WOS called his sister to see what the plan was. (Didn't bother to call me.) She informed him that I was snowed in and wouldn't be attending. 20 minutes later the plow company came and dug us out. The kid and I headed out to my SIL's house.Due to deteriorating road conditions and white outs in places we stayed long enough to do presents and then headed back in. WOS called to see what we were up to and I informed him we were headed home from SIL. His response: "That's nice! Had I know I would have gone but SIL said that you were snowed in. That's another X-mas I 've missed." Give me a break! He also said that he just got dug out too because he was snowed in. So which was it? Were you not able to go cuz you were snowed in or did you choose not to go because we weren't there? Two stories...the story of his life.

Enough

2007-12-20T20:36:00.000-05:00

There are certain days when I just can't take it anymore. While I was at the grocery store WOS called and said he was eating with a friend and was wondering if they could stop by. After expressing my feelings of being over whelmed with a dirty house, a sick little girl not to mention that we were getting home about 2 hours late, having to carry in 15 bags and get dinner ready, he said take my time and he'd call back. When he finally called he was 4 blocks away. I had a screaming. crying sick little girl, the dog I was about to murder, I was trying to get dinner on the stove, the office was calling and I was trying to clear a walk way in the midst of my bags. I told him that he needed to think of his daughter and if he was only going to be here for 10 minutes then forget it. He said he had thought of that and asked if his long time friend could come up because she had never met his daughter. My daughter is 2 1/2! Can you not hear me when I tell you That I can't play hostess right now. I am embarassed by my dirty place and have 8 other things going on. Right now is NOT a good time. Call back around NEVER! He then asked if they could come up for half an hour. I told him to do what he wanted but I was tired of doing this by myself. I am tired of being alone and I want and NEED some help. He said they would just do it another time. By 7:00 everything was back to normal and now would be a good time since I have the chaos somewhat in order. Of course I haven't heard from him, but a little more than 10 minutes notice is appreciated.

The broker of the real estate firm I work for keeps calling. I am an INDEPENDENT contractor. That means I am self employed. I am not going to go into the office and walk all the way up front just so you can see my face. I don't want a babysitter when I am in charge of my own business. I have consistently done $1 million a year so I think I am going to pull my desk and tell him I am going to work from home or I will take my realestate license to another company.

Tequilla..or rum or vodka or wine...Take me away!

Spies Are Amoung Us.

2007-12-17T20:31:00.000-05:00

So Waste of Space (the ex) was just here visiting his daughter. He made a comment about my company X-mas party and asked if I was taking RG again. I informed him that it had been on Dec 6 and that I had indeed taken RG as my guest. He went on to make small comments and eventually fessed that he knew RG had come home with me and that he had stayed for some substanial amount of time. He asked what my intentions were as far as the divorce and I said that I wanted to mediate it so that we could get it over with before our court date of JULY 30 (such BS) so that I could get on with my life. Mentally and emotionally (and thanks to RG physically) over him. He screwed me last January for the last time. He begged and pleaded and told me that he still loved me and that he would never find anyone else like me, (which I assured him that he was correct.)He said that he didn't care what it would cost him but he was going to be selfish and fight me on the divorce. I wonder if he knew what really happened with RG if he would fight me....

Boundaries

2007-12-17T17:09:00.003-05:00

How do you sET boundaries for Friends with Benefits? I am struggling with this because:
1. I have a very strong sexual appetite. (You would to if you hadn't had it in almost a year.)
2. I don't want to come across as stalkerish or make it seem like I am interested in relationship and freak out RG.

While I like the idea of a relationship, I know that most people aren't going to persue anything until after my divorce is really final. I also know that I can't have the same dating scenarios I did in my younger, before kid days. I need to figure out how to date while having my daughter because that definately changes things.

Cosmo had an article this month about FWB and I didn't really find out anything except that you really need to have "the talk." I guess if you are good enough friends to have sex then you should probably also be good enough friends to discuss it. I, in fact, have not spoken to him since that night except via text messaging and we all know how things can get lost in translation.

New Year's Resolutions

2007-12-14T19:48:00.000-05:00

While it may still be early in the year to begin New Years Resolutions I vow to start now. No matter what happens between me and RG it was an eye opening experience for me. It has made me realize some things. First, I have spent the last 2 1/2 years living for my daughter and putting her first. That is great because I am a great mom, but in doing so I neglected myself. Second, I think I told RG that I didn't have time for a relationship. Well that is now changing because after having the most incredible date ever made me realize that I want that. I want more perfect dates, whether it's with him or someone else. I am not waiting until my divorce is over to start my life. My sorry, piece of crap husband is done messing with my head! I want to start searching for the wonderful person out there who I am supposed to be with. After a year of this divorce BS my ex still homeless, jobless, carless, licenseless, moneyless and classless. Since some of these may not be legit words just bear with me. So basically nothing has changed. Swears he loves us and doesn't want a divorce but doesn't want to work on supporting his family either. So my New Years Resolution is as follows:

1.I will start living my life.
2.I will find a babysitter who can come to my home to watch my daughter so that I may meet my friends more often.
3.I will get my gym membership back. It is not being a bad mom to pick my daughter up at the sitters house and drop her in the gym daycare for 30 minutes so that I can go run.
4. I do have time for a relationship. I am going to start dating. By February I will have gone out on at least 1 legit full fledged date. (Some things take time.)
5.I am going to be a stronger person when dealing with my ex and think of not only my daughter but myself. IE: Since you haven't paid child support in over a year you really don't have any say, so shut up or take me to court.We have plans.
6. I will kiss someone on New Years Eve.

So tomorrow I will get my gym membership back. 1 down then 5 more to go. Maybe I can accomplish some of these before New Years, then I won't have to work as hard later on.

Friends With Benefits

2007-12-08T20:27:00.000-05:00

I suck at the whole "blog" thing. I was never good at the "journal" thing or the "diary" thing either. Now with all my jobs and raising my little girl on my own I really don't have time. However I am going to blow if I can't talk to someone about this, although no one is supposed to know, so here is my safety net. So while my divorce is still not final and my court date for that is not until July I needed to fully and completely get on with my life. To "Rip Off " the proverbial band-aid and just do it. All women have needs. After almost a year of no sex (with another person being involved) I decided that maybe friends with benefits would work. It all seemed like a win-win situation. I am way to busy, and still legally married to put any real effort into a relationship. I don't have to purchase presents or do ego boosting. I make a booty call, take care of some stress at the same time and then he leaves. No stings attached, just sex. After racking my brain, and those of fiends in trying to find my FWB my horse racing friends' name kept coming up. I really balked at that idea but for some reason he is all I have been thinking about. I haven't seen him in months but he is there in my dreams every night and is always everything a woman dreams of.I never woke up unsatisfied. Well he agreed to be my date for my company Christmas party. He was the PERFECT date!!! He opened all my doors, was attentive, amusing, did the hand on my back thing.If thishad been my first date with someone new I would have been blown away impressed and I would have said yes to another date. That being said one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. I am not talking normal sex I am speaking of the kind that MG craves. The grab you by the back of the neck, press you up against a wall, uninhibited sex.The weird thing is that we have been friends for like 12 years or so and the sex was not weird. It was a long time coming. I thought that by just doing it and getting it over it would allow me to quit thinking about RG. He was better in real life than I had even dreamed. I will admit that I was selfish but hey, I haven't had sex in almost a year so I was entitled. Things weren't perfect but even the little things that come up that are sometimes deal breakers or uncomfortable weren't. Even afterward things weren't weird. There was an article in the paper not too long ago discussing whether FWB could work. I used to think so. Now I am wondering if I picked the wrong friend.

Think Before You Speak

2007-05-31T20:47:00.000-04:00

Every now and then people forward me thiings that I really like. These are hilarious and I have passed them on to many. Now they are here for all to read. These poor six people may never speak in public again.

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
And asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like
playing with men's balls"

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
Passed by a store that sold a
Variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
My sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
My toddler decided to release
Some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
Her after receiving looks of disgust
And annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just
as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were
screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY Y:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked
My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
Had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
And he said "No".
I kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any
clothes with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident?
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks
And yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nea rly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
In the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
Turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
But half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?
We all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak

A Tribute

2007-05-31T20:26:00.000-04:00

Lizzie Palmer is a 15 year old who put this together. If you have seen it, watch it again. Grab a Kleenex.
http://www.youtube.com/v/ervaMPt4Ha0&autoplay=1

Still Nothing

2007-05-31T19:23:00.000-04:00

After reading poor MG whine (would you like some cheese with that) because she hasn't had action for 3 weeks and then thinking about a hiatus i had to throw in my 2 cents. I have not had sex or anything for that matter since January when I had pity me sex with my husband. In 2 minutes it was over.Not having sex is not really a bad thing however it has it's drawbacks. For instance;
1. The other night I had the most sexual dream I can ever remember having. very fullfilling from what I remember and I think I may have actually been really getting into it and woke myself up. The vibrator in my dream was some monstrosity and I do not think they actually make them like that.
2.I have started having sexually explict dreams about people that I have never even spoke to. A teacher at my school who I randomly see in the hall every once in a while has been my new "dream" man. He hurt his leg or something and had to ride on one of those carts for a couple weeks and the only thing I have ever said is to ask him how much longer he was going to be that way.
3. My soon to be Ex even looks good.This coke addict who is thin, scrawny and sickly looking actually had me super horny and turned on not once, but twice.With that however I have figured out that it was not so much him as it it the sense of normalcy while at functions. For example, his dad's retirement party with all the family (and lots of beer.)Or a graduation party where I seriously wanted to take him in the bathroom I was in such need. Those are functions where you want to be close becasue it's natural in a family setting to hold ahnds or brush by each other. The good news is that as soon as the function was over and he opened his mouth and spoke the feeling passed.
4. After a day at the track I had dreams about RG for like 2 weeks. Then he couldn't meeet up with me in Dubuque and those stopped in a hurry.
5. There is an ab exersize at the gym that I swear could make me orgasm. ( Call me MG and I can tell ya how to do it!)

Can You Say Delusional?

2007-05-29T21:04:00.000-04:00

So my soon to be ex-husband started off on another tangent about visitation, yadda, yadda, yadda. Then he tells me that he threatens me with a lawyer because I don't treat him very good. Hello McFly, you NEED a lawyer because you will soon be in divorce court. My lawyer saw his "supposed" lawyer in the courtroom the other day and asked if she should send copies of everything to him. The man said he absolutely was NOT representing my husband and had ne recollection of ever speaking to him about this. When I made mention of this to EX on Sunday he really did not have much to say after that. YOU DO NOT HAVE A LAWYER. WE ARE GETTING A DIVORCE. HELLO. HELLO? HELLO! So my mom just called me to tell me a funny story. A friend of my sister saw EX at a pawn shop and he was pawning a lawn mower. Friend walked up to Ex and said< "You had better not pawn your lawn mower or you won't be able to mow your lawn. Friend then called my sisiter to have her check and see if her lawn mower was still in the shed. HE WAS PAWNING A LAWN MOWER AND HAS NO HOME!!!!!Where the hell did he get a lawn mower and think of how stupid he looked pawning it.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Aruba, Jamacia...

2007-05-24T20:51:00.000-04:00

So a teacher at my school has a timeshare in Aruba. Last week of July through the first week of August. He said that he has invited everyone he knows to go because it is a 3 bedroom and so far the only one going is his son. He extended an invitation and I am wondering if there is anyway I could pull it off for 4-5 days financially. $40 rents a boat and gets you 3 dives and lots of Aruban rum. He is a little bit of a wild thing and I think the partying would be fabulous. 11 casinos in a 2x25 mile island, (MG this is right up your alley, maybe you should think about going with me.)Here is the creepy thing...when I was in school he was also one of my teachers so he is in his 50's and I can't tell if he hits on me or if it is just his personality. He is a riot and Aruba would be a good time. He said I would get a key and then be on my own.Maybe I should forget Vegas and actually leave the country.That would be one way to make sure what happened there stayed there.

I Got Nothing

2007-05-23T17:41:00.000-04:00

So Dubuque with MG was fun but uneventful as far as any scandalous activity is concerned. We met a super drunk guy at the bar and after a brief discussion about how nice guys finish last and the reasoning behind it we all decided that we would rather sleep with me than smoke crack.Texted my buddy RG and he wasn't coming up. No surprise here since I think the idea of FWB scared him a little and he probably figured I had my sights set on him. I have not given up I am just waiting for the right opportunity. Maybe I can get to Milwaukee before I see him and find myself one in a different area/zip code. that may actually work best.

Friends With Benefits

2007-05-07T20:22:00.000-04:00

Maybe I have been following MG's relationship with RS too closely.Maybe it's because I haven't had good sex in months.I am not talking the sex had between husbands and wives, I mean the down and dirty, one-night stand, pure animalistic sex that comes from letting all inhibitions go.Granted, my divorce is not final yet. (I have a meeting with my lawyer tomorrow.)However, I have either been really horny or lonely because my mind keeps wandering to sex.I am not the "one-night stand type of person".Yes I have done it and I don't pass judgement on those of you who can, but for some reason I have a horrible conscience and I think I would feel dirty afterward, (depending on how much liquor was involved I may not feel anything) So here is the question I ponder...Whenever I get around a friend (RG) things feel like this is the way it should be. I have been friends with him for 10+/- years. On my 26th birthday we had a hot make out session in his car with him informing me that since he met me he had wanted to kiss me. After that night things got a little weird in our friendship but now everything is back to normal.Except...that I can't stop wondering what it would be like to seriously just fuck his brains out. I don't know if I have true feelings for him or if I just think he is a safe bet because we have been friends for so long. Then I contemplate what that would do to our friendship. I know deep down that he is not LTR material. He loves working the night shift. I want my man home in bed. He loves working in bars, again, not my desired profession for a significant other. So, theoretically this could be the perfect FWB package. I know he will not speak of our transgressions, I don't have to worry about LTR because he isn't. So much of this is similar to MG's that I think it might work. MG and I are heading of of town in a few weeks and RG will be with me part of the day so I am hoping to have a few cocktails and convince him to stick around a while;)Is there really a man alive that waited 10 years to kiss a girl and wouldn't get her in the sack if the opportunity presented itself?