The Last Hurrah

So here it is 3:45pm on New Years Eve and I have made up my mind what I am doing. After having a go with the "hubby" I am definately going out...sinus infection and all. He is going to try and make it as hard and as brutal as he can. So partly to spite him and partly for the "New Me in "08" campaign I am going out. I texted RG earlier in the day and wished him a happy birthday to which he responded by asking me what I was doing tonight and giving me an invite to his party as well as bringing any guests I wished. No cover and free booze all night plus a plethra of hot, single men..NO BRAINER! I don't care if I can't find any single friends, or married ones without plans, I am going to RG's party. The next dilema is what to wear. I hadn't given it any thought. Because of this sinus infection I was going to stay in.

I talked with WOS friend the other night. She said that he was being a big baby and snifling about me going out on Thursday with my friends. She said she asked him how mad he would be if people started saying that they were sleeping together. His reply was, "This is different." She told him that my going out with my friends was the exact same as them habging out. There was no difference and he needed to see that. Granted, I have a friend with benefits so it is slightly different, but for a long time it wasn't.He keeps saying "my wife." I'm sorry but I have not been your wife for over a year. The only thing that makes me "your wife" is a little piece of paper because you won't mediate to have the divorce finalized. He then says that he was going to call my dad and ask him if he wanted to go with him and his daughter to aA AA meeting, dinner and dance tonight. What the ...? My family is not interested in anything to do with you until you start providing for their granddaughter. You are NOT part of my family. If he had been providing for our daughter then I would have no problem inviting him to functions.

Other friends just called and were looking for something to do. Looks like I will be taking a few more with me to RG's. I will let ya know how the start of the New Year ended.

Before the New Year

So tomorrow is New Years Eve. I have a sinus infection. Guess Thursday night I probably should not have smoked that pack of cigs huh? My sister and all of the usual crew I hang out with are going to a hotelThey have a dinner/room/dance package. Couples stuff. All my other friends are married (except MG but she lives 3 1/2 hours away and I am pretty sure she'll be with the BF) and this is my first true New Years by myself. So here's my dilema...

#1. Do I go to the hotel dance solo and hope to meet someone there, although since it is a package deal I think the majority would be couples and the chances are slim that I will be locking lips at the stroke of 12?

OR

#2. It is RG's birthday. That's right... on New Years Eve it is RG's birthday. He has reserved the top floor of a local drinking establishment and provided a lot free beer. I could go to this event solo and wind up hanging out with a lot of people I am familiar with just not on a "I'll call you and we can go out" basis.

Now that I am looking at these two options #2 seems the better for a couple reasons. The first one being that since it is at a bar there are bound to be some single kissable men there (RG included.) The next one being that since I am acquainted with a lot of these people they may be the perfect network for my next resolution and that is to have a "real" date by the end of February. The only down side I can readily see is RG will be overly intoxicated and if he locked lips with someone at 12and it wasn't me how would I feel? I guess, hopefully, I would be doing lip locking as well so I would not notice.

I joined a weight loss challenge group. My friend is putting it on and with my sister's wedding approaching I wouldn't mind a little motivation. After doing weights with my school kids I have realized that I am not that far out of shape, I just need some cardio to start fat burn. $1 a week for 15 weeks equals free money for me cuz I am going to win!

A New Year, A New Me! 2008 is going to be a great year and it is all about me!

So last night a friend come in from out town. He used to live here and came back for a visit. Two of my girlfriends, him, one of his friends and RG went out. This was the first time since my X-mas party that I have actually seen RG. I talked to him on the phone briefly Christmas Eve and via text but that's it. One of my friends was so excited to see "the awkward moment" (the first time you see someone after having sex) but to her dismay, it wasn't there. There is no awkwardness. As the night went on and the drinks kept coming I wasn't sure if I should persue Round 2 or see what happens. At the last bar of the night our playful banter started. As did that of my out of town friend. He was looking to have a party for 2 back in his room. I am just not interested. Needless to say was that all he got was a hug at the end with a promise to go out again tonight. On the way home I bit the bullet, sort of and sent RG a generic text. I must admit that I was a little disappointed that he didn't make an effort to come over. So after a little texting he asked what I was going to do. I wasn't sure if he was referring to right now at 3:00 in the morning or about our out of town friend scenario so I responded in the now. I said I was going to soak in the tub and try to get rid of my headache since I wasn't wealthy enough to emply a masseur. And then there it was...the response I was hoping for. "Anything I can do to help you out?" Which I got at 4:30 this morning because I passed out! ARG!!!!!! Needless to say I had such a bad headache that I didn't feel up for sexcapades but if he was offering to put his hands on my body and rub then AMEN!I figured that since it had been an hour and a hlaf that he was probably asleep now so I sent a text at 8 when I got up saying that I really missed out and that had I not passed out then I would definately have taken him up on that offer and next time I will skip the bath. Oh what could have been! So we are all going out again with the exception of RG who has to work. I think we may go out to his establishment though
so I may have to get "left" and catch a ride home from him. My house is right on his way so it's not like he would have to go out of his way.

A Nice Meeting

As a follow up to the Rampage post. WOS actually came over last night to see his daughter. His called a friend of his that he has known for 30 years, (the chick that he was going to have bring him over during my mental breakdown and got a ride.) I had only talked to her on the phone and this was the first time I had met her. He brought presents for Olivia and flowers and a bottle of wine for me. (I like this girl already.)

Surprising enough, she is going through a divorce as well and her husband had a drinking problem which has now moved on to drugs. While WOS was with his daughter her and I went to Carlos for a couple margs. Her and I totally bonded. She laid it all out as far as how her and WOS have had yelling matches because she tells him to get his life straight and she can't hang out with crack heads and that he has done horrible things and that I do the best I can. We have the same views and outlooks on the drug culture and the treatment centers in our area. We have both attended the family counseling portion and thought they teach crap. The try to tell families of the addicts that the have a sickness, an illness, a disease. I have never believed this and neither does she. A few months back I watched an interview with Daniel Baldwin and he was discussing his own addiction to cocaine. They had a conselor from Promises, (I think.)The cost is like $50,000 a month. The interviewer asked if you could call this a disease or a sickness. His reply was, "Sure, if you never want to get better. This gives you an excuse to use." AMEN!!!! Finally someone has put what I thought into words. I wish the treatment centers here would follow this approach and quit making it seem like the addicts can't help it. They make a choice. Every time they get a paycheck they can either give it someone to hold or contribute to their families or they can cash it and buy drugs. You can go right home to your family after work or go to the bar and tie one on every night. It is a CHOICE!

So unfortunately for WOS his only friend right is a HUGE supporter of me and hopefully I can make for life a little easier through her divorce because of what I have already gone through.

Welfare Drug Test

"Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me.
I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees
fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random
urine test with which I have no problem.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who
don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine
test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for
them??"

This has probably already circulated the web but I found it most interesting since I have an ex who really took advantage of this. After being unemployed for a year an a half I would have gone crazy. Welfare is not a way to earn a living. To have my ex receive food stamps and assisted living expenses while all he did was sit on his arse and smoke cocaine while I am barely able to supply for my daughter and myself working 3 jobs to be told I make too much money to get any assistance. I, for one, am totally for drug testing in order to receive welfare. Why not give it to those peolpe who are in dire straits and just need a break instead of the crack head who goes to the local hangout on the 1st of every month to sell their food card for drugs, or money to buy drugs.

The state and federal governments would save LOTS of money and would be able to help those who deserve it not those who are lazy and want everything handed to them.

The Rampage Continues

After the fiasco on the 23rd, (I didn't think it was that big of a deal) WOS calls me tonight and just blows his stack. He wasn't there on the 23rd, he called me on the 24th around 4 and said he'd call me back in half an hour...you guessed it, I never heard from him so I went to SIL's house again. He called me on Christmas at 9:30am and I called back arond 3:30pm to let him know when we would be home and that I would make whatever arrangements so that my daughter could give him his present. Never heard back. Tonight at 5:00 he calls me ranting about the 23rd. I guess he went to the court house today and I have no idea what he did there but he informed me that tomorrow he was going to see my lawyer because he was sick of dealing with me. Good Luck...both getting in to see her because she is so busy and with her because she has it in for you buddy. She was recommended to be by members of the police department as well as an Assistant District Attorney. Throughout our whole conversation he kept telling me how I wasn't going to get what I wanted and how he was going for 50/50 and all the next holidays because he missed Father's Day ( I called him after my open house and he had a pity party and didn't want any help), the 23rd (he never called me or I would have let him know that I got plowed out), the 24th (he never called me back) and Christmas (he never returned my call.) He keeps throwing "Contempt of Court" in my face since he hasn't seen her every night for 2 hours like it says in our papers and how I broke all my wedding vows because I gave up on him. I guess he has not tried to see things from my perspective at all. After looking through my papers I am glad I hired a GREAT attorney. I had said that I would allow for WOS to see his daughter every night but after reading this it says "a minimum of 3 nights". Well guess what? I am busy the next 2. On another positive note...I think they may have garnished his paycheck because he made some snide comment about it. And I think financing is coming together for my other headache (client). The end of 2007 and start of 2008 are looking better and better.

Let His Pity Party Continue

My in-laws were planning to do X-mas on the 23rd. That was the only day that everyone was able to make it. Since this is Iowa and winter, the great storm rolled through and Mom and Dad in-law got stuck up north. Since all the kids were here in town we decided to go ahead and do the kids presents. I got stuck 2 times in the driveway and had to shovel myself out so I finally gave up and said that I wouldn't be able to make it. WOS called his sister to see what the plan was. (Didn't bother to call me.) She informed him that I was snowed in and wouldn't be attending. 20 minutes later the plow company came and dug us out. The kid and I headed out to my SIL's house.Due to deteriorating road conditions and white outs in places we stayed long enough to do presents and then headed back in. WOS called to see what we were up to and I informed him we were headed home from SIL. His response: "That's nice! Had I know I would have gone but SIL said that you were snowed in. That's another X-mas I 've missed." Give me a break! He also said that he just got dug out too because he was snowed in. So which was it? Were you not able to go cuz you were snowed in or did you choose not to go because we weren't there? Two stories...the story of his life.

Enough

There are certain days when I just can't take it anymore. While I was at the grocery store WOS called and said he was eating with a friend and was wondering if they could stop by. After expressing my feelings of being over whelmed with a dirty house, a sick little girl not to mention that we were getting home about 2 hours late, having to carry in 15 bags and get dinner ready, he said take my time and he'd call back. When he finally called he was 4 blocks away. I had a screaming. crying sick little girl, the dog I was about to murder, I was trying to get dinner on the stove, the office was calling and I was trying to clear a walk way in the midst of my bags. I told him that he needed to think of his daughter and if he was only going to be here for 10 minutes then forget it. He said he had thought of that and asked if his long time friend could come up because she had never met his daughter. My daughter is 2 1/2! Can you not hear me when I tell you That I can't play hostess right now. I am embarassed by my dirty place and have 8 other things going on. Right now is NOT a good time. Call back around NEVER! He then asked if they could come up for half an hour. I told him to do what he wanted but I was tired of doing this by myself. I am tired of being alone and I want and NEED some help. He said they would just do it another time. By 7:00 everything was back to normal and now would be a good time since I have the chaos somewhat in order. Of course I haven't heard from him, but a little more than 10 minutes notice is appreciated.

The broker of the real estate firm I work for keeps calling. I am an INDEPENDENT contractor. That means I am self employed. I am not going to go into the office and walk all the way up front just so you can see my face. I don't want a babysitter when I am in charge of my own business. I have consistently done $1 million a year so I think I am going to pull my desk and tell him I am going to work from home or I will take my realestate license to another company.


Tequilla..or rum or vodka or wine...Take me away!

Spies Are Amoung Us.

So Waste of Space (the ex) was just here visiting his daughter. He made a comment about my company X-mas party and asked if I was taking RG again. I informed him that it had been on Dec 6 and that I had indeed taken RG as my guest. He went on to make small comments and eventually fessed that he knew RG had come home with me and that he had stayed for some substanial amount of time. He asked what my intentions were as far as the divorce and I said that I wanted to mediate it so that we could get it over with before our court date of JULY 30 (such BS) so that I could get on with my life. Mentally and emotionally (and thanks to RG physically) over him. He screwed me last January for the last time. He begged and pleaded and told me that he still loved me and that he would never find anyone else like me, (which I assured him that he was correct.)He said that he didn't care what it would cost him but he was going to be selfish and fight me on the divorce. I wonder if he knew what really happened with RG if he would fight me....

Boundaries

How do you sET boundaries for Friends with Benefits? I am struggling with this because:
1. I have a very strong sexual appetite. (You would to if you hadn't had it in almost a year.)
2. I don't want to come across as stalkerish or make it seem like I am interested in relationship and freak out RG.

While I like the idea of a relationship, I know that most people aren't going to persue anything until after my divorce is really final. I also know that I can't have the same dating scenarios I did in my younger, before kid days. I need to figure out how to date while having my daughter because that definately changes things.

Cosmo had an article this month about FWB and I didn't really find out anything except that you really need to have "the talk." I guess if you are good enough friends to have sex then you should probably also be good enough friends to discuss it. I, in fact, have not spoken to him since that night except via text messaging and we all know how things can get lost in translation.

New Year's Resolutions

While it may still be early in the year to begin New Years Resolutions I vow to start now. No matter what happens between me and RG it was an eye opening experience for me. It has made me realize some things. First, I have spent the last 2 1/2 years living for my daughter and putting her first. That is great because I am a great mom, but in doing so I neglected myself. Second, I think I told RG that I didn't have time for a relationship. Well that is now changing because after having the most incredible date ever made me realize that I want that. I want more perfect dates, whether it's with him or someone else. I am not waiting until my divorce is over to start my life. My sorry, piece of crap husband is done messing with my head! I want to start searching for the wonderful person out there who I am supposed to be with. After a year of this divorce BS my ex still homeless, jobless, carless, licenseless, moneyless and classless. Since some of these may not be legit words just bear with me. So basically nothing has changed. Swears he loves us and doesn't want a divorce but doesn't want to work on supporting his family either. So my New Years Resolution is as follows:

1.I will start living my life.
2.I will find a babysitter who can come to my home to watch my daughter so that I may meet my friends more often.
3.I will get my gym membership back. It is not being a bad mom to pick my daughter up at the sitters house and drop her in the gym daycare for 30 minutes so that I can go run.
4. I do have time for a relationship. I am going to start dating. By February I will have gone out on at least 1 legit full fledged date. (Some things take time.)
5.I am going to be a stronger person when dealing with my ex and think of not only my daughter but myself. IE: Since you haven't paid child support in over a year you really don't have any say, so shut up or take me to court.We have plans.
6. I will kiss someone on New Years Eve.

So tomorrow I will get my gym membership back. 1 down then 5 more to go. Maybe I can accomplish some of these before New Years, then I won't have to work as hard later on.

Friends With Benefits

I suck at the whole "blog" thing. I was never good at the "journal" thing or the "diary" thing either. Now with all my jobs and raising my little girl on my own I really don't have time. However I am going to blow if I can't talk to someone about this, although no one is supposed to know, so here is my safety net. So while my divorce is still not final and my court date for that is not until July I needed to fully and completely get on with my life. To "Rip Off " the proverbial band-aid and just do it. All women have needs. After almost a year of no sex (with another person being involved) I decided that maybe friends with benefits would work. It all seemed like a win-win situation. I am way to busy, and still legally married to put any real effort into a relationship. I don't have to purchase presents or do ego boosting. I make a booty call, take care of some stress at the same time and then he leaves. No stings attached, just sex. After racking my brain, and those of fiends in trying to find my FWB my horse racing friends' name kept coming up. I really balked at that idea but for some reason he is all I have been thinking about. I haven't seen him in months but he is there in my dreams every night and is always everything a woman dreams of.I never woke up unsatisfied. Well he agreed to be my date for my company Christmas party. He was the PERFECT date!!! He opened all my doors, was attentive, amusing, did the hand on my back thing.If thishad been my first date with someone new I would have been blown away impressed and I would have said yes to another date. That being said one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. I am not talking normal sex I am speaking of the kind that MG craves. The grab you by the back of the neck, press you up against a wall, uninhibited sex.The weird thing is that we have been friends for like 12 years or so and the sex was not weird. It was a long time coming. I thought that by just doing it and getting it over it would allow me to quit thinking about RG. He was better in real life than I had even dreamed. I will admit that I was selfish but hey, I haven't had sex in almost a year so I was entitled. Things weren't perfect but even the little things that come up that are sometimes deal breakers or uncomfortable weren't. Even afterward things weren't weird. There was an article in the paper not too long ago discussing whether FWB could work. I used to think so. Now I am wondering if I picked the wrong friend.