The Last Hurrah

So here it is 3:45pm on New Years Eve and I have made up my mind what I am doing. After having a go with the "hubby" I am definately going out...sinus infection and all. He is going to try and make it as hard and as brutal as he can. So partly to spite him and partly for the "New Me in "08" campaign I am going out. I texted RG earlier in the day and wished him a happy birthday to which he responded by asking me what I was doing tonight and giving me an invite to his party as well as bringing any guests I wished. No cover and free booze all night plus a plethra of hot, single men..NO BRAINER! I don't care if I can't find any single friends, or married ones without plans, I am going to RG's party. The next dilema is what to wear. I hadn't given it any thought. Because of this sinus infection I was going to stay in.

I talked with WOS friend the other night. She said that he was being a big baby and snifling about me going out on Thursday with my friends. She said she asked him how mad he would be if people started saying that they were sleeping together. His reply was, "This is different." She told him that my going out with my friends was the exact same as them habging out. There was no difference and he needed to see that. Granted, I have a friend with benefits so it is slightly different, but for a long time it wasn't.He keeps saying "my wife." I'm sorry but I have not been your wife for over a year. The only thing that makes me "your wife" is a little piece of paper because you won't mediate to have the divorce finalized. He then says that he was going to call my dad and ask him if he wanted to go with him and his daughter to aA AA meeting, dinner and dance tonight. What the ...? My family is not interested in anything to do with you until you start providing for their granddaughter. You are NOT part of my family. If he had been providing for our daughter then I would have no problem inviting him to functions.

Other friends just called and were looking for something to do. Looks like I will be taking a few more with me to RG's. I will let ya know how the start of the New Year ended.

Before the New Year

So tomorrow is New Years Eve. I have a sinus infection. Guess Thursday night I probably should not have smoked that pack of cigs huh? My sister and all of the usual crew I hang out with are going to a hotelThey have a dinner/room/dance package. Couples stuff. All my other friends are married (except MG but she lives 3 1/2 hours away and I am pretty sure she'll be with the BF) and this is my first true New Years by myself. So here's my dilema...

#1. Do I go to the hotel dance solo and hope to meet someone there, although since it is a package deal I think the majority would be couples and the chances are slim that I will be locking lips at the stroke of 12?

OR

#2. It is RG's birthday. That's right... on New Years Eve it is RG's birthday. He has reserved the top floor of a local drinking establishment and provided a lot free beer. I could go to this event solo and wind up hanging out with a lot of people I am familiar with just not on a "I'll call you and we can go out" basis.

Now that I am looking at these two options #2 seems the better for a couple reasons. The first one being that since it is at a bar there are bound to be some single kissable men there (RG included.) The next one being that since I am acquainted with a lot of these people they may be the perfect network for my next resolution and that is to have a "real" date by the end of February. The only down side I can readily see is RG will be overly intoxicated and if he locked lips with someone at 12and it wasn't me how would I feel? I guess, hopefully, I would be doing lip locking as well so I would not notice.

I joined a weight loss challenge group. My friend is putting it on and with my sister's wedding approaching I wouldn't mind a little motivation. After doing weights with my school kids I have realized that I am not that far out of shape, I just need some cardio to start fat burn. $1 a week for 15 weeks equals free money for me cuz I am going to win!

A New Year, A New Me! 2008 is going to be a great year and it is all about me!

So last night a friend come in from out town. He used to live here and came back for a visit. Two of my girlfriends, him, one of his friends and RG went out. This was the first time since my X-mas party that I have actually seen RG. I talked to him on the phone briefly Christmas Eve and via text but that's it. One of my friends was so excited to see "the awkward moment" (the first time you see someone after having sex) but to her dismay, it wasn't there. There is no awkwardness. As the night went on and the drinks kept coming I wasn't sure if I should persue Round 2 or see what happens. At the last bar of the night our playful banter started. As did that of my out of town friend. He was looking to have a party for 2 back in his room. I am just not interested. Needless to say was that all he got was a hug at the end with a promise to go out again tonight. On the way home I bit the bullet, sort of and sent RG a generic text. I must admit that I was a little disappointed that he didn't make an effort to come over. So after a little texting he asked what I was going to do. I wasn't sure if he was referring to right now at 3:00 in the morning or about our out of town friend scenario so I responded in the now. I said I was going to soak in the tub and try to get rid of my headache since I wasn't wealthy enough to emply a masseur. And then there it was...the response I was hoping for. "Anything I can do to help you out?" Which I got at 4:30 this morning because I passed out! ARG!!!!!! Needless to say I had such a bad headache that I didn't feel up for sexcapades but if he was offering to put his hands on my body and rub then AMEN!I figured that since it had been an hour and a hlaf that he was probably asleep now so I sent a text at 8 when I got up saying that I really missed out and that had I not passed out then I would definately have taken him up on that offer and next time I will skip the bath. Oh what could have been! So we are all going out again with the exception of RG who has to work. I think we may go out to his establishment though
so I may have to get "left" and catch a ride home from him. My house is right on his way so it's not like he would have to go out of his way.

A Nice Meeting

As a follow up to the Rampage post. WOS actually came over last night to see his daughter. His called a friend of his that he has known for 30 years, (the chick that he was going to have bring him over during my mental breakdown and got a ride.) I had only talked to her on the phone and this was the first time I had met her. He brought presents for Olivia and flowers and a bottle of wine for me. (I like this girl already.)

Surprising enough, she is going through a divorce as well and her husband had a drinking problem which has now moved on to drugs. While WOS was with his daughter her and I went to Carlos for a couple margs. Her and I totally bonded. She laid it all out as far as how her and WOS have had yelling matches because she tells him to get his life straight and she can't hang out with crack heads and that he has done horrible things and that I do the best I can. We have the same views and outlooks on the drug culture and the treatment centers in our area. We have both attended the family counseling portion and thought they teach crap. The try to tell families of the addicts that the have a sickness, an illness, a disease. I have never believed this and neither does she. A few months back I watched an interview with Daniel Baldwin and he was discussing his own addiction to cocaine. They had a conselor from Promises, (I think.)The cost is like $50,000 a month. The interviewer asked if you could call this a disease or a sickness. His reply was, "Sure, if you never want to get better. This gives you an excuse to use." AMEN!!!! Finally someone has put what I thought into words. I wish the treatment centers here would follow this approach and quit making it seem like the addicts can't help it. They make a choice. Every time they get a paycheck they can either give it someone to hold or contribute to their families or they can cash it and buy drugs. You can go right home to your family after work or go to the bar and tie one on every night. It is a CHOICE!

So unfortunately for WOS his only friend right is a HUGE supporter of me and hopefully I can make for life a little easier through her divorce because of what I have already gone through.

Welfare Drug Test

"Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me.
I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees
fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random
urine test with which I have no problem.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who
don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine
test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for
them??"

This has probably already circulated the web but I found it most interesting since I have an ex who really took advantage of this. After being unemployed for a year an a half I would have gone crazy. Welfare is not a way to earn a living. To have my ex receive food stamps and assisted living expenses while all he did was sit on his arse and smoke cocaine while I am barely able to supply for my daughter and myself working 3 jobs to be told I make too much money to get any assistance. I, for one, am totally for drug testing in order to receive welfare. Why not give it to those peolpe who are in dire straits and just need a break instead of the crack head who goes to the local hangout on the 1st of every month to sell their food card for drugs, or money to buy drugs.

The state and federal governments would save LOTS of money and would be able to help those who deserve it not those who are lazy and want everything handed to them.

The Rampage Continues

After the fiasco on the 23rd, (I didn't think it was that big of a deal) WOS calls me tonight and just blows his stack. He wasn't there on the 23rd, he called me on the 24th around 4 and said he'd call me back in half an hour...you guessed it, I never heard from him so I went to SIL's house again. He called me on Christmas at 9:30am and I called back arond 3:30pm to let him know when we would be home and that I would make whatever arrangements so that my daughter could give him his present. Never heard back. Tonight at 5:00 he calls me ranting about the 23rd. I guess he went to the court house today and I have no idea what he did there but he informed me that tomorrow he was going to see my lawyer because he was sick of dealing with me. Good Luck...both getting in to see her because she is so busy and with her because she has it in for you buddy. She was recommended to be by members of the police department as well as an Assistant District Attorney. Throughout our whole conversation he kept telling me how I wasn't going to get what I wanted and how he was going for 50/50 and all the next holidays because he missed Father's Day ( I called him after my open house and he had a pity party and didn't want any help), the 23rd (he never called me or I would have let him know that I got plowed out), the 24th (he never called me back) and Christmas (he never returned my call.) He keeps throwing "Contempt of Court" in my face since he hasn't seen her every night for 2 hours like it says in our papers and how I broke all my wedding vows because I gave up on him. I guess he has not tried to see things from my perspective at all. After looking through my papers I am glad I hired a GREAT attorney. I had said that I would allow for WOS to see his daughter every night but after reading this it says "a minimum of 3 nights". Well guess what? I am busy the next 2. On another positive note...I think they may have garnished his paycheck because he made some snide comment about it. And I think financing is coming together for my other headache (client). The end of 2007 and start of 2008 are looking better and better.

Let His Pity Party Continue

My in-laws were planning to do X-mas on the 23rd. That was the only day that everyone was able to make it. Since this is Iowa and winter, the great storm rolled through and Mom and Dad in-law got stuck up north. Since all the kids were here in town we decided to go ahead and do the kids presents. I got stuck 2 times in the driveway and had to shovel myself out so I finally gave up and said that I wouldn't be able to make it. WOS called his sister to see what the plan was. (Didn't bother to call me.) She informed him that I was snowed in and wouldn't be attending. 20 minutes later the plow company came and dug us out. The kid and I headed out to my SIL's house.Due to deteriorating road conditions and white outs in places we stayed long enough to do presents and then headed back in. WOS called to see what we were up to and I informed him we were headed home from SIL. His response: "That's nice! Had I know I would have gone but SIL said that you were snowed in. That's another X-mas I 've missed." Give me a break! He also said that he just got dug out too because he was snowed in. So which was it? Were you not able to go cuz you were snowed in or did you choose not to go because we weren't there? Two stories...the story of his life.

Enough

There are certain days when I just can't take it anymore. While I was at the grocery store WOS called and said he was eating with a friend and was wondering if they could stop by. After expressing my feelings of being over whelmed with a dirty house, a sick little girl not to mention that we were getting home about 2 hours late, having to carry in 15 bags and get dinner ready, he said take my time and he'd call back. When he finally called he was 4 blocks away. I had a screaming. crying sick little girl, the dog I was about to murder, I was trying to get dinner on the stove, the office was calling and I was trying to clear a walk way in the midst of my bags. I told him that he needed to think of his daughter and if he was only going to be here for 10 minutes then forget it. He said he had thought of that and asked if his long time friend could come up because she had never met his daughter. My daughter is 2 1/2! Can you not hear me when I tell you That I can't play hostess right now. I am embarassed by my dirty place and have 8 other things going on. Right now is NOT a good time. Call back around NEVER! He then asked if they could come up for half an hour. I told him to do what he wanted but I was tired of doing this by myself. I am tired of being alone and I want and NEED some help. He said they would just do it another time. By 7:00 everything was back to normal and now would be a good time since I have the chaos somewhat in order. Of course I haven't heard from him, but a little more than 10 minutes notice is appreciated.

The broker of the real estate firm I work for keeps calling. I am an INDEPENDENT contractor. That means I am self employed. I am not going to go into the office and walk all the way up front just so you can see my face. I don't want a babysitter when I am in charge of my own business. I have consistently done $1 million a year so I think I am going to pull my desk and tell him I am going to work from home or I will take my realestate license to another company.


Tequilla..or rum or vodka or wine...Take me away!

Spies Are Amoung Us.

So Waste of Space (the ex) was just here visiting his daughter. He made a comment about my company X-mas party and asked if I was taking RG again. I informed him that it had been on Dec 6 and that I had indeed taken RG as my guest. He went on to make small comments and eventually fessed that he knew RG had come home with me and that he had stayed for some substanial amount of time. He asked what my intentions were as far as the divorce and I said that I wanted to mediate it so that we could get it over with before our court date of JULY 30 (such BS) so that I could get on with my life. Mentally and emotionally (and thanks to RG physically) over him. He screwed me last January for the last time. He begged and pleaded and told me that he still loved me and that he would never find anyone else like me, (which I assured him that he was correct.)He said that he didn't care what it would cost him but he was going to be selfish and fight me on the divorce. I wonder if he knew what really happened with RG if he would fight me....

Boundaries

How do you sET boundaries for Friends with Benefits? I am struggling with this because:
1. I have a very strong sexual appetite. (You would to if you hadn't had it in almost a year.)
2. I don't want to come across as stalkerish or make it seem like I am interested in relationship and freak out RG.

While I like the idea of a relationship, I know that most people aren't going to persue anything until after my divorce is really final. I also know that I can't have the same dating scenarios I did in my younger, before kid days. I need to figure out how to date while having my daughter because that definately changes things.

Cosmo had an article this month about FWB and I didn't really find out anything except that you really need to have "the talk." I guess if you are good enough friends to have sex then you should probably also be good enough friends to discuss it. I, in fact, have not spoken to him since that night except via text messaging and we all know how things can get lost in translation.

New Year's Resolutions

While it may still be early in the year to begin New Years Resolutions I vow to start now. No matter what happens between me and RG it was an eye opening experience for me. It has made me realize some things. First, I have spent the last 2 1/2 years living for my daughter and putting her first. That is great because I am a great mom, but in doing so I neglected myself. Second, I think I told RG that I didn't have time for a relationship. Well that is now changing because after having the most incredible date ever made me realize that I want that. I want more perfect dates, whether it's with him or someone else. I am not waiting until my divorce is over to start my life. My sorry, piece of crap husband is done messing with my head! I want to start searching for the wonderful person out there who I am supposed to be with. After a year of this divorce BS my ex still homeless, jobless, carless, licenseless, moneyless and classless. Since some of these may not be legit words just bear with me. So basically nothing has changed. Swears he loves us and doesn't want a divorce but doesn't want to work on supporting his family either. So my New Years Resolution is as follows:

1.I will start living my life.
2.I will find a babysitter who can come to my home to watch my daughter so that I may meet my friends more often.
3.I will get my gym membership back. It is not being a bad mom to pick my daughter up at the sitters house and drop her in the gym daycare for 30 minutes so that I can go run.
4. I do have time for a relationship. I am going to start dating. By February I will have gone out on at least 1 legit full fledged date. (Some things take time.)
5.I am going to be a stronger person when dealing with my ex and think of not only my daughter but myself. IE: Since you haven't paid child support in over a year you really don't have any say, so shut up or take me to court.We have plans.
6. I will kiss someone on New Years Eve.

So tomorrow I will get my gym membership back. 1 down then 5 more to go. Maybe I can accomplish some of these before New Years, then I won't have to work as hard later on.

Friends With Benefits

I suck at the whole "blog" thing. I was never good at the "journal" thing or the "diary" thing either. Now with all my jobs and raising my little girl on my own I really don't have time. However I am going to blow if I can't talk to someone about this, although no one is supposed to know, so here is my safety net. So while my divorce is still not final and my court date for that is not until July I needed to fully and completely get on with my life. To "Rip Off " the proverbial band-aid and just do it. All women have needs. After almost a year of no sex (with another person being involved) I decided that maybe friends with benefits would work. It all seemed like a win-win situation. I am way to busy, and still legally married to put any real effort into a relationship. I don't have to purchase presents or do ego boosting. I make a booty call, take care of some stress at the same time and then he leaves. No stings attached, just sex. After racking my brain, and those of fiends in trying to find my FWB my horse racing friends' name kept coming up. I really balked at that idea but for some reason he is all I have been thinking about. I haven't seen him in months but he is there in my dreams every night and is always everything a woman dreams of.I never woke up unsatisfied. Well he agreed to be my date for my company Christmas party. He was the PERFECT date!!! He opened all my doors, was attentive, amusing, did the hand on my back thing.If thishad been my first date with someone new I would have been blown away impressed and I would have said yes to another date. That being said one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. I am not talking normal sex I am speaking of the kind that MG craves. The grab you by the back of the neck, press you up against a wall, uninhibited sex.The weird thing is that we have been friends for like 12 years or so and the sex was not weird. It was a long time coming. I thought that by just doing it and getting it over it would allow me to quit thinking about RG. He was better in real life than I had even dreamed. I will admit that I was selfish but hey, I haven't had sex in almost a year so I was entitled. Things weren't perfect but even the little things that come up that are sometimes deal breakers or uncomfortable weren't. Even afterward things weren't weird. There was an article in the paper not too long ago discussing whether FWB could work. I used to think so. Now I am wondering if I picked the wrong friend.

Think Before You Speak

Every now and then people forward me thiings that I really like. These are hilarious and I have passed them on to many. Now they are here for all to read. These poor six people may never speak in public again.


FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
And asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like
playing with men's balls"

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
Passed by a store that sold a
Variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
My sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
My toddler decided to release
Some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
Her after receiving looks of disgust
And annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just
as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were
screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY Y:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked
My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
Had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
And he said "No".
I kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any
clothes with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident?
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks
And yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nea rly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
In the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
Turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
But half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!


Now, didn't that feel good?
We all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak

A Tribute

Lizzie Palmer is a 15 year old who put this together. If you have seen it, watch it again. Grab a Kleenex.
http://www.youtube.com/v/ervaMPt4Ha0&autoplay=1

Still Nothing

After reading poor MG whine (would you like some cheese with that) because she hasn't had action for 3 weeks and then thinking about a hiatus i had to throw in my 2 cents. I have not had sex or anything for that matter since January when I had pity me sex with my husband. In 2 minutes it was over.Not having sex is not really a bad thing however it has it's drawbacks. For instance;
1. The other night I had the most sexual dream I can ever remember having. very fullfilling from what I remember and I think I may have actually been really getting into it and woke myself up. The vibrator in my dream was some monstrosity and I do not think they actually make them like that.
2.I have started having sexually explict dreams about people that I have never even spoke to. A teacher at my school who I randomly see in the hall every once in a while has been my new "dream" man. He hurt his leg or something and had to ride on one of those carts for a couple weeks and the only thing I have ever said is to ask him how much longer he was going to be that way.
3. My soon to be Ex even looks good.This coke addict who is thin, scrawny and sickly looking actually had me super horny and turned on not once, but twice.With that however I have figured out that it was not so much him as it it the sense of normalcy while at functions. For example, his dad's retirement party with all the family (and lots of beer.)Or a graduation party where I seriously wanted to take him in the bathroom I was in such need. Those are functions where you want to be close becasue it's natural in a family setting to hold ahnds or brush by each other. The good news is that as soon as the function was over and he opened his mouth and spoke the feeling passed.
4. After a day at the track I had dreams about RG for like 2 weeks. Then he couldn't meeet up with me in Dubuque and those stopped in a hurry.
5. There is an ab exersize at the gym that I swear could make me orgasm. ( Call me MG and I can tell ya how to do it!)

Can You Say Delusional?

So my soon to be ex-husband started off on another tangent about visitation, yadda, yadda, yadda. Then he tells me that he threatens me with a lawyer because I don't treat him very good. Hello McFly, you NEED a lawyer because you will soon be in divorce court. My lawyer saw his "supposed" lawyer in the courtroom the other day and asked if she should send copies of everything to him. The man said he absolutely was NOT representing my husband and had ne recollection of ever speaking to him about this. When I made mention of this to EX on Sunday he really did not have much to say after that. YOU DO NOT HAVE A LAWYER. WE ARE GETTING A DIVORCE. HELLO. HELLO? HELLO! So my mom just called me to tell me a funny story. A friend of my sister saw EX at a pawn shop and he was pawning a lawn mower. Friend walked up to Ex and said< "You had better not pawn your lawn mower or you won't be able to mow your lawn. Friend then called my sisiter to have her check and see if her lawn mower was still in the shed. HE WAS PAWNING A LAWN MOWER AND HAS NO HOME!!!!!Where the hell did he get a lawn mower and think of how stupid he looked pawning it.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Aruba, Jamacia...

So a teacher at my school has a timeshare in Aruba. Last week of July through the first week of August. He said that he has invited everyone he knows to go because it is a 3 bedroom and so far the only one going is his son. He extended an invitation and I am wondering if there is anyway I could pull it off for 4-5 days financially. $40 rents a boat and gets you 3 dives and lots of Aruban rum. He is a little bit of a wild thing and I think the partying would be fabulous. 11 casinos in a 2x25 mile island, (MG this is right up your alley, maybe you should think about going with me.)Here is the creepy thing...when I was in school he was also one of my teachers so he is in his 50's and I can't tell if he hits on me or if it is just his personality. He is a riot and Aruba would be a good time. He said I would get a key and then be on my own.Maybe I should forget Vegas and actually leave the country.That would be one way to make sure what happened there stayed there.

I Got Nothing

So Dubuque with MG was fun but uneventful as far as any scandalous activity is concerned. We met a super drunk guy at the bar and after a brief discussion about how nice guys finish last and the reasoning behind it we all decided that we would rather sleep with me than smoke crack.Texted my buddy RG and he wasn't coming up. No surprise here since I think the idea of FWB scared him a little and he probably figured I had my sights set on him. I have not given up I am just waiting for the right opportunity. Maybe I can get to Milwaukee before I see him and find myself one in a different area/zip code. that may actually work best.

Friends With Benefits

Maybe I have been following MG's relationship with RS too closely.Maybe it's because I haven't had good sex in months.I am not talking the sex had between husbands and wives, I mean the down and dirty, one-night stand, pure animalistic sex that comes from letting all inhibitions go.Granted, my divorce is not final yet. (I have a meeting with my lawyer tomorrow.)However, I have either been really horny or lonely because my mind keeps wandering to sex.I am not the "one-night stand type of person".Yes I have done it and I don't pass judgement on those of you who can, but for some reason I have a horrible conscience and I think I would feel dirty afterward, (depending on how much liquor was involved I may not feel anything) So here is the question I ponder...Whenever I get around a friend (RG) things feel like this is the way it should be. I have been friends with him for 10+/- years. On my 26th birthday we had a hot make out session in his car with him informing me that since he met me he had wanted to kiss me. After that night things got a little weird in our friendship but now everything is back to normal.Except...that I can't stop wondering what it would be like to seriously just fuck his brains out. I don't know if I have true feelings for him or if I just think he is a safe bet because we have been friends for so long. Then I contemplate what that would do to our friendship. I know deep down that he is not LTR material. He loves working the night shift. I want my man home in bed. He loves working in bars, again, not my desired profession for a significant other. So, theoretically this could be the perfect FWB package. I know he will not speak of our transgressions, I don't have to worry about LTR because he isn't. So much of this is similar to MG's that I think it might work. MG and I are heading of of town in a few weeks and RG will be with me part of the day so I am hoping to have a few cocktails and convince him to stick around a while;)Is there really a man alive that waited 10 years to kiss a girl and wouldn't get her in the sack if the opportunity presented itself?

Celebration

My friend Steph always has the best ideas. When my divorce is finally final she suggested a divorcette party. Her theory is that people are so stupid to buy leis and "Suck for a buck" off of some chick they will never have a chance to score on so what would they do for some hot, young thing like me coming back on the market? If you happen to be out that night and see me, please note that your donation will be going to a good cause...the ladies and I are going to Vegas! I would love to write here about all the great details from our trip but you know the saying..."What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas!"

The craziness will soon end.

I think when this whole drama with my soon to be ex-husband is over I may write a book. It will be titled,"Humourous rantings of a Crack Addict." Some may be offended at my ability to be glib about this whole situation but I am not one to dwell on the "what if's" and I prefer to just get on with my life. I am not going to let anger and resentment rule my life. That just puts a strain on your heart and will eventually kill you. If something is going to kill me I prefer it to be something I enjoy like martinis or cigars. Some quick excerpts from my book are to follow and should you know anyone who has ever used one of these then you may want to buy a drug test kit.
Example 1:
Funny story: My husband went out to the town where his parents live to get some gas from his dads' work truck because no one would give him the money. He decides to go 4 wheeling and gets stuck. He is very angry and resentful towards his father and myself. Why you ask...because it is our fault he got stuck mud running. If we had just given him money then he would not have gotten stuck because he would not have had to go to his parents to get gas. Keep in mind that his parents do not live on a gravel road.I tried ,in vain I might add, to explain that if he had not chosen to go mud running that he would not have gotten stuck. His dad and I did not make him go mud running when he went to get gas.

Example 2:
I told him that I filed for divorce and he said that was fine because when when go to court it will look really good for him because he was sick and I kicked him out. WHAT!? Seriously?Seriously.Seriously!

Example 3:
He didn't work past July last year because he got fired for not showing up. He tells me that since I made more mony than him I should pay him alimony. I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard. I made just over $20,000 and I support my daughter full time by myself. I don't scrounge off the government for food stamps and rental assisitance when I am fully capable of working.

Example 4:
I admit I was a little resentful when, after 6 days of saying he was coming to se his daughter he once again did not show up. I asked him what came up that was more important.He said he didn't remember.(Crack does that to a person.Remember the commercial with the frying pan and the egg? My husband's brains are scrambled.) he asked what I had planned for the day. Keep in mind it was a week day. My response was some us go to work every day. Some people, like myself now, work 2 jobs everyday.After that we go home and are parents.

Example 5:
A sheriff came to my door last Saturday looking for my husband. He has wrote out checks to places and not had the money in his account to cover them. One grocery store he wrote out more than $1000 to. I looked through the amil from the bank. On the 13th he opened and account with $400. On the 15th he withdrew $300. The next day he took out $95. You do not have to be a math genius to figure out that you do not have $1000 in your account to begin with so to write out that much in checks is ludacris...not to a crack addict. Somehow it was probably my fault. If you hadn't made me drive 20 miles out of the way to see my daughter than I would not have passed that crack house.

My Resolution

My New Years Resolution is to quit trying to make everyone happy. No one can tell me what to do unless they are actually in my situation. You always think you know what you would do and say what you would do, but until it actually happens to you, you really don't know.People who are supposed to be your family will help you, as long as you do what they want you to do. It is my life. It may not be the one they would have chose for me, (or me for myself for that matter) but it's the one I have and I am going to make something of it. In trying to always pick the popular decision and make others happy you only succeed in doing one thing...making yourself miserable. So basically...*#@! everyone else and here's to me!

New Years

So...let me recap my New Years Eve. Four hour fight with my still-husband. It started because I couldn't tell him how long it would take me to get ready to go out for dinner. (Yes, so what if I had dinner with him.He makes nice arm candy). He was angry because I took someone other than him to my work X-mas party. I took a friend, not a date. The man that I took has been my friend for almost 10 years. Strictly platonic. He will always have my back no matter what. You know the kind, big brother like. He looks a lot like Ashton Kutcher so it may make some guys jealous if their girl is friends with him, but he is only a friend. I took him because I knew I could relax and have a good time.I could count on him to show up and fit in with my co-workers. Most eevry time in the last year when my husband said he would be at events he never showed up. I felt embarassed because I would say that he was coming and was excited only to have him let me down. He always felt caged in and wondered how much longer we were going to stay. Worse yet was when he did show up and then would vanish for days and I would feel used. I was not going to let him ruin another event for me so I just didn't invite him. Just so you all know...I had fun, got really drunk and had a good time. No stress, just a relaxing evening with my co-workers.
How come when a woman takes a while to get ready men just assume that we are trying to look good to impress them? Guys just don't understand that we want to feel beautiful because we are women. We want to feel sexy and desirable because we are women. Especially those of us with kids who sometimes, (who am I kidding) most days don't get to shower, let alone shave and wash our hair in the same day. This does not make us shallow, it makes us WOMEN.
On another note...know anyone who wants to buy or sell a house? Have them contact me and I can get a referral fee, mamma's got a baby to feed!