Valentine's Day

I am actually dreading the big V day this year. I didn't bother me last year, or the year before. My wedding anniversary was on Jan. 22 and even that didn't phase me. The impending Valentine's Day has me feeling a little slumpy. Why am I feeling slumpy you ask? I am, unfortunately, a romantic. When WOS and I first started dating he was working out of town and every Sunday before he left he would send me flowers at work. He got me cards just because and left me sweet text and voice messages. I was the envy of all my friends because I had someone who, no matter what, made me feel like I was the most beautiful, awesome, special woman in the world. (I think I am but it is nice to get that validation from someone of the other sex occasionally.) In retrospect, it was all a farce because he was doing all he could to hide his double life of drug addiction from me. I want the fairytale. I want Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet. I don't need someone who has lots of money or materialistic possessions. I need/want someone who has the ability to love me fully and completely with reckless abandon. I want someone who is not afraid to love even though it might not work. I want someone who is willing to gamble on love with his heart as the ante.The next man that is willing to put it all out there will be the person I fall for. I don't think that person exists and I am not willing to settle this time around. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life either though, so how long do I wait before I settle for mediocre? I am really dreading Valentine's Day.

2 More Down, 2 Less To Go

So today I weighed before going to the gym. I didn't have high expectations tonight because I really wasn't able to work out like I wanted to due to my toe being wrecked. I stepped on the scale and it said "176." I dropped 2 more pounds. Two weeks in a row I drop 2 pounds! If I can keep that up I would be back to pre-baby weight in 8 weeks which would be right at the end of this little weight loss competition. That would put my grand total at 19 pounds or just a tad past 10% which is what we are going off of, total percent lost. Baby steps, baby steps. If real estate has taught me one thing it is not to count on it until it's in the bank. After weighing I went to the gym and did 2 miles in 28 minutes 3 seconds, my second best ever. I really pushed myself hard at the end because I wanted to try and beat my best and I came so close. I ran 3/4 of a mile straight which is more than I usually run. Tomorrow I will try to run 1 mile. I am extremely content with my weigh in and my workout.

Double/Double or Queen

So I had to make the hotel reservations for my company party. The options for lodging were A: Double room with 2 queen size beds, B: Single King bed, or C: Bunk bed room sleeps 8. Needless to say I did not pick the bunk beds but I was kind of confused as to which other room to take. Since I had not talke to RG since the night of his assholiness I don't know whether I should expect to have sex or if we are just going as friends minus the benefits. I went the safe route and got the 2 double beds. This way if it gets closer and he backs out I can take my daughter and my parents and still have a great time. I called him (and he answered, no voicemail) and told him that I had us reserved to go so if anything changed to let me know. He said cool and that he was working so he'd call me later. I told him he didn't have to call me back and that I really expected his voicemail.

I have a stupid on-line class to take in 30 minutes and I really want to go to the gym but seeing how we are in the middle of a blizzard it is colder than hell outside and I think I may have to improvise with an old workout tape.(Buns of Steele anyone?) Tomorrow is Weigh Day and I am not feeling like any pounds are gone. I have set small, short term goals for myself. The first one was for a kickball game because I didn't want to hobble around for a week like I did the last time. Unfortunately we didn't get to play. The next short term goal is to "comfortably" fit into a certain pair of jeans by February 15. This is the date of my out of town, overnight trip with RG. After that I will think of one for April 4 which I think will be a day I take off and go see MG in MKE for opening day at the Brewers. The next one will be May 10 and the wedding. There seems to be a lot of time in between Feb 15 and April 4. I may have to cut that down to March 15 for my sisters' bachlorette party. The most noticeable difference is that my undies don't cut into my hips. Thank God for small steps!

Two-a-Day

Unfortunately I am not talking about sex. Even with my big toe throbbing ans seeping blood I still went to the gym twice today. Since I can't do my usual powerhouse run I thought it might help boost some metabolism. I walked for 50 minutes this morning on an incline. This amounted to 2 and a half miles. Not only had my toe bled through both band-aids and my sock but it REALLY hurt. Tonight WOS came over to make a cake with his daughter, (not to worry, I am on a mission so I will NOT consume the whole thing.) I decided that I would go back to the gym so I walked half a mile in 12 minutes on an incline and then did a small abs and moderate arms work out. I have a 10 lbs. medicine ball at my house so I have been using that for anything and everything if I have a few minutes.

The dress for my sisters wedding is strapless and I really want/need to do some major toning on the upper body so that I look even hotter than I plan on looking in it. May 10 or bust. I don't know if it physically possible for me to drop 5 sizes by then but I am going to do everything healthy in my powers to make that happen. Except give up alcohol and cream chesse, and any other kind of cheese, and chicken nachos and cheese wantons from the ID. And cocnut shrimp and baked potatoes from Outback and Taco Pizza from Happy Joes. That's it...I will only eat them in moderation and only if I get lucky enough to have a date that they are paying for, except the alcohol and cheese and anything with cheese.

Aside from some friendly banter I have no scandalous run-ins or calls from RG.
Speaking of which in a round about way...I sent out a couple of texted and MSP friend has not responded at all. I seriously think he is mad that I didn't fuck him while he was down here. I have a hard enough time screwing one of my friends let alone screwing 2 guys that are my friends and who are friends. That would be one big ugly triangle that I want no part of.

Well it looks like my daughter wants to do some exercises so I am off for some more...wish it was sex.

Boring Continued

After my great workout on Wednesday 1 went and weighed. I know that my clothes are fitting differently. Since I didn't weigh the week before because I was sick with strep I hadn;t worked out either and I was a little worried. I lost 2 1/2 pounds! Totally stoked because of this and since I had such a great work out I was really pumped for my workout on Thursday. After watching "The Biggest Loser" and seeing how how they push themselves I knew I was being a pansy ass and needed to step it up. I am not as out of shape as I think I am. My body is able to take a lot more than I have been putting on it.

Not gonna happen! In my special ed kids' adaptive PE class I dropped a weight on my toe. My big toe! I was in so much pain I thought I was going to puke. Didn't see that coming...or at least I did I just didn't have a lot of time to react.The good news...it's not broke. The bad news...the blood blister on top of my toe and under the nail. That sucker is gonna fall off. They gave me a special boot to wear to help protect my toe from the rubbing of material but IT HURTS! We are headed to our local drinking establishment early tommorrow so I think I am going to see if I can somehow use it to my advantage and get some digits.
Maybe then I can get back to the scandalous posts I was loving so much!

I Bit the Bullet

So I was sitting there aimlessly at my open house today. There was not a soul out due to it being the coldest day of the year (with wind chill -25). No one was home either because I went through my contacts and hit up every single person. No one answered their phone. Then I did it. WTF! I sent RG a text asking him if he was still up for the overnight paid trip with my company. I swear I am not dickmotized (OEN). I would just rather bank on a sure thing than nothing at all. Plus nothing says that I can't talk with other peolpe while we are out and about. Maybe I can score some digits for a rendevous at a later date. Did I just make RG sound used and cheap by referring to him as a "sure thing?" Nothing will ever lessen his opinion of himself so it doesn't matter. He sent a text back saying that he was still up for it and I let him know that I would get back to him with the details when I got them. Short, sweet and to the point.

In WTF? ramblings today:

1. I sent a text to all my friends on Thursday letting them know that Strep Throat had not killed me off and that if anyone wished to bring a get well present then ice cream would be wonderful. NO response from anyone!?! WTF!

2. WOS calling every night while on his "sabbatical" north and acting like nothing is wrong. WTF!

BORING

So I figured out why everyone pissed me off. I went to the doctor on Tuesday with a raging case of...Strep Throat. (Sorry I'm a saftey girl so no STD's here.) On that note I have not heard from RG. Guess he wasn't that into me after all. Let me rephrase...I guess he was only interested in EXTREMELY casual sex (meaning maybe once a month) instead of Friends With Benefits type sex. To borrow a saying from the OEN blog, I was not dickmotized. I can get it anywhere if I want it, I just chose to experiment with my friend. Now I need to find a new friend to experiment with. Hopefully one which may also want a more meaningful relationship.

So to recap...I have been home, in my bed, by myself with strep throat. Hopefully next week will lead to new adventures. WOS is 2 hours north this week so if I went out this weekend he would not hear about it until after he got back on Tuesday. It has been sooooo nice having him gone. I wish he would just stay gone.

And I Was Pissed Before

Am I ever pissed now! Not only has RG pissed me off, but wouldn't you know WOS did too. I was generous enough to give him a ride two hours away with SIL, the kids and me. I was venting about why RG is not on my friend list at the moment. No she does not know that I sleep with him. I lied and gave her the jist. WOS is in the way backseat and decides that now is a good time to start in on me about his friends calling to tell him what I was doing all night and how he is going for more rights and we need to discuss things, yadda, yadda, yadda. I told him that I would not discuss this with kids in the car. He kept right on spewing while sitting next to my 13 year old niece. COME ON! Use your head! I told him again that I would not talk about this with kids in the car. I was half tempted to pull over and tell him to get out in the cold and the middle of nowhere. I bit my tongue like the classy thing I am. We got to my in-laws and he went in the kitchen with SIL. I said I was going to unpack our stuff and she came with me. She told me that I handled that situation very well and that he should have known better than to bring it up in front of other people especially the kids. She told me that while they were in the kitchen that he told her how mad he was because his "friends" kept calling to tell him what I was doing. I thought my life was boring. If you have nothing better to do than call someone when I go to the bathroom, talk to the people at my table, or get up to play Big Buck Hunter than you need a new life. She told him it was absolutely ridiculous that his "friends" were doing that and he should tell them to stop. I didn't talk to him the whole trip. Lucky for him he stayed up there.

So he just called me and I went off. He said that he was mad too because he had to listen to his friends all night and he didn't like SIL and I discussing my night out while he was around. I told him that that's too bad that his low class friends had no life and had to call him with all the boring details of my night. His response was, "what of it's your friends that are calling me." WHATEVER! I have 6 people in this town that I would consider "friends." None of them care to have his number and none of them would call him. I did not know anyone in the bar even though it was packed for pool league. I think what he meant was an acquaintence of mine, but even then, I did not know anyone. My definition of a friend is someone that you can call on a regular basis, share experiences and stories with and go out with.These people are loyal to you. His definition is anyone he has ever met or seen or had other friends talk about. He won't know a thing about you including your last name ,but your his friend. He told me that he didn't even know if he still cared. Maybe I will get this divorce before summer starts if he will start talking and mediate.

Too bad I don't think I I could switch to women. It might be easier.

True Colors

I am SO pissed! Alcohol definately helps to show peoples' true colors. RG came over an hour after he texted me. He was on the phone for a good 15 minutes in the beginning. From the moment he walked through my door he had a major chip on his shoulder. Knowing him like I do I knew he had consumed way too much alcohol and he was his asshole persona.CL had sent a sexually explict, funny drunken text. To make a long story super short he completely snapped at me. After he said he was going out with friends I dropped a proposition for an afterhours for 2 party. No response. I guess in his state he thought he sent one back because he snapped, "I told ya I'd call when I left". Ah, no ya didn't. It was not a big deal but I didn't like where this was heading. He actually made a move on me this time. I must say that the first 3 times we had sex I was in awe. Now I have come to understand the way his body works. Lots of alcohol=Limpy, limpy limpy. Now, regardless, he is ever the giver and gave me mine more times than I can count in the hour and a half he was here. No alcohol=very short sex time but we definately stand at attention. Anyway he just continued to be crass and almost down right rude. All he kept saying was I can leave if you want me to. Which now in retrospect may just have been his way of getting reassurance that I really did want him.

His whole asshole behavior was a real turn off. I have dealt with that with WOS for the last few years and I am not going to let anyone regarless if you are a friend or a fuck to be an asshole to me. My afterhours time is about me. Come in happy and ready to pretend that nothing else matters. This is our time to pretend and have crazy, uninhibited sex. I am not going to be hitting RG up anytime soon that's for sure. Stupid, drunk dickhead just lost the best afterhours he had had in a while.

Just Can't Get Enough

So I went out for dinner with T. I swear I haven't seen her in at least 8 months. She was very excited about the RG hook up. After that I went met up with CL at our favorite establishment. RG finally texted me back but said he was meeting up with some people after he got off work. About 1:30 I get a message asking what I was doing. He is supposedly on his way over so we will see how long it actually takes him. Bar close is 2am so he shouldn't be that much longer.

Just a side note: If you are ever in a bar and see men in kilts, bet your friends LOTS of money that there is nothing on underneath. I saw so much ass crack tonight I might be blind.

Not Exactly

Boring, boring, boring. That is how the last few days have been. I weighed in on Wednesday and ended up half a pound heavier. Not exactly the results I had hoped for.I know that this is do to my working out and holding more water in my muscles and since my clothes are fitting differently I don't care. In the next 2 weeks my metabolism will kick up and pounds will start falling off. I did go to the gym today and so I feel good about that.

WOS came to see his daughter last night. I left for a few minutes to run to the office and fax a sales contract and he called 15 minutes after I left to say she was through a fit and crying. Who's the parent? He has no idea how to parent and she will be able to walk all over him his whole life if he doesn't step it up.

I am meeting some friends out tonight and was supposed to have a hook up with RG. I sent a text but haven't heard back yet if we are still on. I don't really expect him to tell me "No."

Heading up to see the in-laws this weekend and I think WOS is going so that should be interesting sleeping arrangements. He ain't sleeping with me! SIL and I are taking the kids up Friday night and after my jewelry party on Saturday, which I hope won't run too much past 3, to head for home. I can only stand my mother-in-law for a short time. You would think that after my high patience level with my MD kids all day that I would have some for her. I don't.

Tomorrow's THE Day

So tomorrow is Weigh Day. Tonight I did 2 miles in 29 minutes and 40 seconds AFTER I had already done the stair climber. This is the stair climber where you actually have to pick up your feet because the stairs roll. I realized after about 4 minutes that I am nowhere near ready to do stairs. I only made it 6 minutes, however, that is 6 minutes longer than I had done it in the past. I have been eating right this week and working out so I am ready! If nothing else, I feel better about myself and that I am working on me. Also, my clothes are starting to fit a little different so that gives me more encouragement. My daughter has a blast in the daycare so it makes it easier for me to work out knowing that she is having fun.

On a note totally off subject: I found this blog called the Over-Educated Nympho. It is raw, real and to the point. Not to mention after reading some of the posts I had to go masturbate it was so titillating and HOT. I highly recommend this site.

2 Hours to Kill

So I was supposed to have a jewelry meeting tonight but due to the fog I didn't want to drive way out of town. On the way home from picking up my daughter at daycare I dropped a text to RG asking what he was doing this evening between 6 and 8. He was going to watch the game at 7. I told him it was to bad he had plans because I wasn't going to my meeting and I had a sitter so he could have done me. He said he could do both. I went to the gym first and did a mile and a half. I really didn't work too hard but I was planning on a workout of a different kind in less than 2 hours. So after I dropped her off I dropped by his place.It was a little different since no alcohol was involved. After idle chit chat for a good 15 minutes, (Hello, you know what I am there for so jump me already) he sighed, "Oh D", and sat down on the edge of the couch. I moved in and that's where it began.I usually have "lights dimmed sex" or "lights out sex". RG is much more of a "lights on" kind of guy. No problems here. Even though the sex was still hot, it was not nearly as long as it has been the past couple, alcohol induced times. He is an eyes closed kisser. And I am not sure if he is much of a BJ guy because when I went down on my knees he didn't let me stay there very long until he threw me up on his bed. He DEFINATELY likes to go down. That is fine with me because the man has skills.I have already solicited him for Thursday night after I go out with my friends. Here is my dilema... I am always soliciting him for sex and always making the first move so... is he not that into me or is he so into me that he can't or is afraid too? (Remember I have been friends with him for 12 years.)

Weekend Recap

This weekend I did a total of 6 miles. Today I did 2 miles in 27 minutes and 50 seconds.I made it to the gym everyday this weekend for 30 minutes. I am quite proud of myself.

My first open house went ok. I had 2 groups through and I might have a shot of working with one of them. They were going to go to open houses today and see if they could find a REALTOR they liked. Hopefully they liked me! It's a good thing that rejection, at least on a professional level, doesn't bother me or my self esteem would be shot. I would probably have to go to the gym more to make up for it. Did I mention I feel thinner?!

WOS called today. It was pretty nice not hearing from him for the last 3 days. I told him I went to the gym. He asked if I missed my old workout partner. I told him I missed my trainer. He has court tomorrow for something. He had $2300 in fines to pay and somehow now he only has $900 in order to get back his license...or so he thinks. The lady at Child Support Recovery Services has put something on his license so he can't get it back until he pays. Won't he be pissed.

I have a lia sophia meeting on Monday and 3, hopefully huge, parties this weekend. I am in dire straights this month and this is my only way out of it. If I can do $3500 in parties in the next week I can make $1000 by the 20th so I could pay my bills. I do have a closing coming up .It's not a lot but right now I will take every little bit I can.

Here's looking ahead to Thursday and a hook up with RG.

Damn it Feels Good

I forgot just how good a hard workout can make a person feel. I made it to the gym again today. I feel thinner, skinnier, sexier all from just a workout. Did I mention I feel thinner?! I know it is all in my head but I am now obsessed with winning this little competition and starting off my newly singleness with a bang. I want a hot summer body and I am going to do whatever,(aside from eating disorders and steriods) to get it. My body is not bad so I really shouldn't complain, but I do still have a little of the baby weight that I would like gone. I realize that I will probably never again be a size 8 (having baby = more curvy hips and bigger boobs)but if I lost the baby weight and 10 more pounds I would feel really great. It was kind of difficult on NYE to see all the younger,skinny girls at RG's birthday bash and not be jealous. I have never let age get in the way but I am almost 33 and he just turned 28. On a positive note, he could have had his choice of any younger, skinnier girl but he came to my house...to be with me... after hours... on the biggest night of the year.

So tomorrow I will get to the gym in the morning and then go to my open houses (cause us REALTORS have to work on Sundays) and then who knows, maybe I will do a "two a day" tomorrow.

Obsession

Here I go again...I sent RG a text yesterday. No reply. I sent a racy one today. No reply. I have a very large sexual appetite, especially since I went without for so long that I just can't get enough. As soon as something else comes up to occupy my mind then I won't spend it all on RG. Still, it makes me wonder after the comments he made why there has been no communication on his part.

In other news, I made it to the gym...FINALLY! My goal was 2 miles in 30 minutes. 15 minute miles don't seem to be very good but I had to start somewhere. I actually did it in 31 minutes and 9 seconds. Next time I will have to push myself a little harder either at the beginnng or at the end so that the clock reads 30 minutes. The good news is that the little saddlesbags and love handles were sore when I got done so it makes me feel like I accomplished something today. I have to go to the office tomorrow and then will head over to do another 2 miles. Cardio really is my friend when it comes to shedding inches. Weigh-in is next Wednesday and I want to have a little bit of a jump start on everyone.

I have scheduled apps and drinks out with two of my very best friends. I can't remember the last time we went out, just the 3 of us. Since they have to work the next day and I have off I am going out with another friend after that. I have been such a recluse for so long that I am making a conscience effort to go out at least once a week now. I really need to join a club or something so that I can meet a new group of, hopefully more single people.

Just got a text back. It's funny how I smile when my phone vibrates because I know it's a text message. He apologized for taking so long. Now I can quit obsessing. I may have to go take care of things myself though since it doesn't look like I will have any company tonight...but at 9:20 the night is still young!

Resolution Updates

I finally got my membership back to the gym. I know it has been about 3 weeks ago when I went to get it but due to the lady being gone I was unable to obtain the paperwork. Tomorrow would be my first day but we have gymnastics so there is no time in between when I get off work and then have to be there. So tonight I am going to start in my home with a dance party. Just my daughter, myself and a great mix CD. A guy I dated years ago made it for me and called it "Old Guy at The Gym" mix because he always thought the old guys were scoping me. Anyways, who knows, maybe my daughter will love the dance party and we can make it a weekly thing.

The weight loss club has started and my friend that started it said that if I win and all my weight loss is do to the amount of sex I am having with RG then I am disqualified. I went to the doctor on Saturday for my sinus infection and their scale said 184.5. Hers said 179. I either lost a crap ton of weight New Years Eve doing the between the sheets dance or there is a big discrepancy in scales. I liked hers better.

Speaking of RG. On his way home from Chi-town today he sent me a text. I din't know that he was out of town and I mentioned a nooner, half kidding half not, since it was past 1:00. My lips are so sore from New Years that I don't think I could do anything today anyway. I love kissing him but the scruff gets me since they haven't been getting any action until the last month. I keep saying that I don't know where this is headed but I have a good idea where I want it to go.

So to sum up:
1. I did get my gym membership back
2. I did not get a kiss at 12 on NYE but I got sex at 2:30. (I will count that as completed.)
The other ones are still works in progress.

Hello 2008!

So 10 minutes after I sent RG a text to stop by on his way home from after hours he called. He wasn't going to go to the house party. Within 30 minutes we were kissing in my kitchen. That was the kiss I wanted at 12 but it was worth the wait.Then came 2hours of birthday/New Years sex. When faced witht the option of after hours or birthday sex he said that said not just any birthday sex but sex with me wins hands down. He told me that this was the best birthday present he ever got which I had to respond with this was my best New Years ever because it truly was. I am not going to let myself get swept away because this is so new but I think we have potential here.I knew when he gave me "the look." I know he wanted me a long time ago. I wanted him once too. Now it may be our time. There is too much chemistry to deny it. Here's a toast to me: May 2008 be the best one yet.


P.S. WOS called and wanted to go out with me.He said he was all dressed up with nowhere to go. I've been there a few times too buddy waiting on your ass so don't play that card with me. I got no sympathy for ya.

Happy New Year

So I went to RG's party. I did not get a kiss at 12 but he did not either so i did pucker up in front of friends for a birthday kiss. I left the bar and ran into him on the way out. He invited me to after hours to which I declined. I asked him if he got everything he wanted for his birthday and he said not quite. Then he gave me "the look." You know, the look that says I want to kiss you and not stop or the please come to after hours with me. I said "What" and his reply was nothing and looked away. I told him that if his birthday was lacking anything then he should stop by on his way home. He said that he would call on his way. I sent him a text of the same thing on his way home so now I wait and see.

Oh, I did hit on the cop who was doing the bar check and it helped that my best friend and her cop husband were there. I also hit on a few other HOT men. All in all I would say that so far 2008 is started off in the right direction.